


kanamara matsuri (festival of the steel phallus)

by momotakuchi



Category: Gintama
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, How Do I Tag, Penis Festival, Penises, Smut, aged-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:47:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29106582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momotakuchi/pseuds/momotakuchi
Summary: There is an unforeseen legend that some folks talk about every now and then; an obscure tale of a sharp-toothed demon whom had fallen in love with a beautiful young woman. And as jealous as this monster had been, he'd had hidden himself inside her vagina, biting off the penises of two young men on their respective wedding nights. Distraught, the young woman sought help from a blacksmith, whom then fashioned an iron phallus to break the demon's teeth, destroying it.... Or so the legend goes. Now the steel phallus had been enshrined, and a whole festival had been conceptualized from it. Not that it would've bothered him, but sexual tensions arise when you're standing in the middle of that crowded festival, a vermillion-haired glutton at your side, and both of you surrounded by dick-shaped artifacts in that god-forsaken Penis Festival.
Relationships: Kagura/Okita Sougo
Comments: 36
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

At age twenty-two, Okita Sougo didn't think he'd feel repulsed surrounded by a multitude of phallus-shaped apparatuses. The festival's various array of colorful noise blared right against his ears—the ocean of festival-goers getting more and more packed as the seconds passed—but that didn't seem to bother him any more than the fact that he was standing in the middle of that crowded street, with _China_ at his side, both of them surrounded by dick-shaped artifacts in this god-forsaken _Penis Festival_.

He thought he had been hearing things when he'd first heard about it.

* * *

_“A what festival?”_

_“A Penis Festival, in Kawasaki!”_

_“Kondo-san... are you really that desperate for some action that you're willing to stoop so low as to go to a Penis Festival...?”_

_“_ _Sougo, that's so mean!” The older man cried pathetically. Sougo barely batted an eye. Though, he'd felt some emotions that he couldn't quite pin-point, and he wasn't sure if it was disgust or utter confusion. Honestly, a Penis Festival? Where have you ever heard such nonsense? And more importantly, why did Kondo-san want to go there? It was true that Sougo was an avid fan of festivals, but really, a Penis Festival, of all events?_

_While still donning a blank stare, Sougo watched his superior plead Hijikata to join him instead; the said man had his arms crossed, a cancer stick hanging tightly between his teeth, and an equally perturbed expression on his face. The three of them were currently lounging comfortably in one of the Shinsengumi compound's rooms, Hijikata resting at the doorframe by the engawa. Well, it was comfortable, up until Kondo brought up the crude topic._

_He really didn't know what went into their commander's head this time for him to suggest going to this vulgar event, but he was willing to pass this off as one of those moments where he gets himself into these really weird, random situations. Though, he does suspect that maybe this whole ordeal had something to do with the boss lady once again._

_“Kondo-san, if I may ask, what made you want to go to this festival?”_

_Stopping his tears of agony, Kondo turned to him with a merry expression, happiness clouding his eyes in an instant. Seriously, for a grown man, he can get too... emotional. Not that there's anything wrong with overtly emotional gorillas, that is._

_“Sougo! I knew you'd come around!”_

_“No, that doesn't mean I'll be going.”_

_To no one's surprise, a shocked, crest-fallen expression made its way onto Kondo's face. Though, he'd quickly recovered. He cleared his throat before explaining to the two men before him;_

_“You see, Sougo, I overheard my darling Otae-chan—”_

_“You mean stalked, right?” Hijikata interjected._

_“—say that she was planning a trip to Kawasaki. A special store selling her favorite ice cream brand was opening there; and given that she had a full week's worth of days off, her plans were set! Which I knew, of course.”_

_The two men blatantly disregarded the fact that Kondo knew the eldest Shimura's exact schedule._

_“... I thought that, well, it sure would be lovely to spend my time with Otae-san there at Kawasaki... I was disheartened, I thought I was letting this golden opportunity to have a vacation with Otae-san slip right out of my hands... but then, the old man Matsudaira just happened to give me a week off to see this... Penis Festival, held there as well! And I thought, perhaps this is fate!”_

_“No, I think it's just the old man telling you you need to get laid.”_

_“For once, I agree with Hijikata-san.” Four years had already passed since Kondo had started stalking Otae, and Sougo briefly wonders why their commander hasn't made any progress in his love life. “And couldn't you just go by yourself instead of begging us to come with you?”_

_“No, no, no, that would be embarrassing for a single man like me to go! The more the merrier, after all!”_

_“If you really wanted to go to this festival, then I don't think you should still feel at all embarrassed, Kondo-san.”_

_“Please!”_

_“Spare us the embarrassment of showing our faces, it won't do the Shinsengumi's image any good.”_

_“Please! This could act as a short vacation for us; treat yourselves to a few nick-nacks or something!”_

_Sougo shuddered. Him? Buying dick-shaped food and dick-shaped goodies? He'll pass._

_“... No, Kondo-san. Besides we don't have the same luxury as you to have a week off of work.”_

_“But—”_

_Boom._

_Suddenly, something blasted through the shoji doors._

_Stepping out of the smoke was the old man himself, Matsudaira, a cigarette in his chapped, old man lips, looking indifferent as usual. “Well, he's right there, boys. Why don't you take this as your chance to loosen up, you just finished a long mission two days ago, right?”_

_“Old man!”_

_Matsudaira blew smoke from his cigarette, “You virgins'll probably need it is as a form of Sex Education or something; I can't have my men remain cherry boys until they reach their graves. Go, or else you'll be target practice for my brand-new pistol right here.”_

_“O-o-o-o-old man!?” Kondo nervously stammered._

_“I'll count to three. One.” The man then fired a shot, barely grazing Kondo in the process. Hijikata and Sougo remained unfazed._

_“Why are you shooting at me!? I'm the one going! And what happened to 'two' and 'three'!?”_

_“Never heard of 'em.” He paused, turning to look at the other two men in the room. “Well? Is it a yes...” He cocked the gun. “or a no?”_

_Sougo said nothing, retaining a poker face, as if saying the familiar scene that had played out bored him (it did). But Hijikata—a pathetic servant to his authority figure—couldn't have replied with anything else. With a heavy sigh, he reluctantly agreed._

_And Sougo... well, he had no choice but to get dragged into this mess, as per usual._

* * *

And now he's here, in this stupid Penis Festival...

 _In all seriousness though... he doesn't understand why he was so bothered by this..._ He should have been laughing, _amused_ , but for some reason, he wasn't.

This was the _perfect_ place to insert phallus jokes into every sentence, too. But he just wasn't in the mood... In fact, he was _bored_. He knew he was sounding like some _party-pooper_ , but it can't be helped. He'd honestly rather get some real action instead of walking around in this virgin's sanctuary _._ It wouldn't really be that difficult anyway when he had a face that would consider him the most good-looking debonair in all of _Edo_.

But he couldn't do any of that now, and he was starting to get impatient.Angry tic marks appeared right on his face, veins popping all-over as he radiated a darkened aura, clearly displeased.

_Now, where the fuck are they?_

With arms-crossed, he glanced at the girl standing beside him. _China_.

While the Shinsengumi trio loitered around the festival, they had uneventfully bumped into the Yorozuya.

_Of course, the Yorozuya._

Where there was Otae, there was the Yorozuya. _Of course. What had he expected?_ He shouldn't have been at all surprised to bump into them in the middle of the street.

The moment they had made eye-contact, Gintoki and Hijikata started to bicker like the idiots they were.

_“Oh? Hijikata-san, what a pleasant surprise to see you here.”_

_“If by 'pleasant' you mean a volcano full of flaming shit, then likewise. Are you here because your dick was in desperate need of some action it can't ever get?”_

_“My Neo Armstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon is doing just fine, thank you very much!”_

On the sidelines, the glasses stand did his usual _tsukkomi_ act while Kondo went ahead and loudly announced that he'll be searching for his darling _Otae-chan_... Leaving the two of them—him and China—to their own devices. Kagura, unsurprisingly, was holding various array of food in her hands.

For a fleeting moment, the two simply looked at their bickering superiors with unimpressed stares, with her munching on some candy. That was until he provoked her with a vulgar comment, which then led to a verbal insult battle. It was almost routine. But before they could trade punches, they got swept away by the tides of the crowd, effectively getting separated from the others.

Now they were _'lost_ , _'_ forced into a stand-still, because _China_ had suggested they wait in this busy street in the meantime, _as if they're a bunch of little kids waiting for their mom to come pick them up._

 _'Let's wait for Gin-chan to fetch us.'_ She said, with her annoyingly sweet— _did he just say sweet_ —voice, acting as though she wasn't already an adult capable of herself. He wanted to argue with her for the sake of arguing, but then the weather suddenly became _too... hot_... He wasn't about to admit it, but she was right with her decision. _Honestly, was there even a single non-crowded area around here?_ He couldn't even move from their spot even if he wanted to, and he was _not_ about to dive into that human ocean of sweat.

While he was currently wearing a casual light-cotton _kimono_ with earth-tone colors, and not the heat-absorbing Shinsengumi uniform, he could still easily feel the sweltering heat. They really had it bad with the fact that they got _stranded_ when it just so happened to be the busiest time of the day.

While he donned an obviously vexed, yet careful poker face, she mindlessly ate away the food she carried in her tiny hands: three tubs of ice cream, five candy apples, dick-shaped candies (and she was biting on them too... ouch), and _sukonbu_ (of course...). He doesn't know how she managed to hold them all together with her tiny hands. _She's strong_ , yes, that's a given, but how she was able to hold them together without fumbling to keep them secured in her arms, he'd no clue. Maybe she still had other types of food hidden somewhere, hidden away from his view. You never really know with her. He supposed it just comes with her innate love for food.

 _Leave it to the Yorozuya girl and her gluttony_.

She was currently in the middle of chewing on a piece of _sukonbu_. _She still remained the same as ever_ , he thought. She still wore her trademark red _duangua_ , with black _duangue_ bottoms and black flats. The only thing that changed in four years was that she now apparently had a _figure_ , and that her vermillion hair was let down—reaching just past her slender waist—save for the single hair ornament at the right side of her head. And her face, too. Gone was that youthful charm. While she still had an alluring doll face, her features had become more... sharp; and her eyes, more... _striking_. _Okay maybe she did change a lot._ She had grown into one hell of a beautiful woman, and he'd rather commit _seppuku_ than tell anyone that.

She was now eighteen, an adult. She was still an arrogant brat _,_ but, _different,_ as if China was really getting more grown-up... besides growing a pair of boobs and an ass, that is. He wanted to punch himself in the gut when he first thought of her as attractive. The first time he'd seen her, she was still a _brat_ —a... _somewhat adorable_ , naive little brat who also vomited on occasion. Not your typical heroine, but he liked the challenge she gave him.

The first time he was impressed by that girl was that moment under falling, blush-colored cherry blossom petals. Anyone rarely managed to keep up with his prowess, but this alien girl came out of nowhere and managed to match him in strength, perhaps even overpower him too, but he was too stubborn of a fool to admit that. Though, he acknowledged the fact that her strength was indeed _somewhat_ attractive, even though she inhaled food as if she was doing an imitation of Kirby. Well, she was still doing that right now, but... _neater_ , somehow.

He looked at her, _watched her_ as she opened her small mouth as wide as she could, welcoming a rather large spoonful of ice cream, eyes downcast towards her food; then she took it all in in one big bite, savoring its flavor. No messy spills, nothing. _Pretty impressive, but Sougo_ doesn't spare a single thought over what it could've possibly tasted like. What he _did_ wonder about, _however_ , was what else her tiny mouth could possibly do.

Then when she ran her tongue at the conspicuous roundness of the red candied apple, her tongue slowly lapping for its dripping syrup, he averted his gaze.

 _Wait, was he really just overthinking the way China was eating fucking ice cream? He was, wasn't he? Dammit._ It didn't help that they were currently in the midst of a Penis Festival. _(Just how many times did he have to say that damn title?)_

It was becoming more and more difficult to keep himself together with her around. It was almost shocking to him that his perfectly untouched reputation of being the cool, nonchalant guy would lose its validity over such a casual thing like _eating_. But then again, all his efforts of maintaining this image always went down the drain when _She_ was involved. Perhaps that was why he felt so bothered; because in the depths of his consciousness, the moment he'd heard about it, he knew that Kagura would get herself involved in this crude festival, whether he liked it or not.

It wasn't like him to gripe and bitch, but ever since that incident a few months back, he had resorted to acting like a coward. _Begrudgingly_. Because he just didn't know where to start from there.

She was still that same old shitty China, but she had quickly become this mature version of herself, and he wasn't sure how or what to feel. Gone was that naïve fourteen-year-old. She became a woman right before his very eyes. Hell, he was already twenty-two; and if he sees a stunner like her, it wouldn't feel right if he won't even admit it to himself that _she turns him on_.

But it wasn't just that, he knew he'd always been attracted to her; she was a ferocious girl with a big heart. She was like a strong magnet that attracted him—a stubborn piece of metal.

_Did he like her? Of course he did, who wouldn't?_

And that's why, _that day_ , suddenly he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

Just then, Kagura made a small, audible gasp, catching his attention before he could go into a flashback of some sort. She had spilled some of her ice cream, a small portion of that white vanilla dripping right at the side of her mouth. It almost reminded Sougo of—

He wordlessly averted his gaze. _Goddammit, this Penis Festival was getting too him..._

Yearning for a distraction, red eyes darted around once more, surveying their surroundings, looking out for _Danna._ or at least _he_ was, China was useless at the moment, opting to continue eating without a word. Unfortunately for him, there was no white hair in sight. Not even a gorilla, a gorilla woman, or a pair of glasses.

He sighed. He was starting to really feel the heat. Though they were shaded by the conveniently large tree behind them, the crowds and the tightness of all the stalls packed together was starting to get suffocating. He was not claustrophobic by all means, but this heat wave felt _damning_.

He glanced at Kagura again, wondering why a _Yato_ like her didn't already collapse from heat exhaustion. Her face held a blank look, a tiny bit of sweat falling down from her brow, but otherwise, she seemed okay. She didn't seem to be on the verge of fainting which was good. He pondered for a short second as to why that is, but then his eyes wandered over to her hands, suddenly remembering that she had _ice cream_ as if he didn't just have a dirty thought about it a few seconds ago.

“ _So_ , China.”

Said girl ignored him, opting to continue eating the two remaining tubs of vanilla ice cream in her hands instead, one tub already finished and discarded along with the sticks from the candy apples and candies

“What the hell are you eating?” He asked, completely monotonous.

“... _Baagen-Dash_. I was hungry. _Anego_ bought too much so she gave one to me.” She paused. “... Though I'm craving for some _sukonbu_ right now...”

“China, you _just_ finished a whole box of that shit.”

“So?”

“... Never mind. Give me some of that ice cream, I'm sweating buckets over here.”

“ _What_? No! Do you want me to die from starvation!?”

He rolled his eyes.

“Maybe, if you don't give me some. Do you want _me_ to die from heat exhaustion?”

“Yeah, go drown in your sweat, you punk Chihuahua.”

“ _Tch_. What else was I expecting... _pig girl_.”

“ _Oi_ , I am not a pig _anything_. I am a _woman_ , you damn Sadist.”

 _Heh_. “Ah, sorry, did I say ' _girl_?' Never mind, I meant to just say _pig_ , 'cause all I see is a sugar-inhaling glutton with _zero_ sex appeal; maybe _Danna_ is influencing you a little too much with his glucose addition, China.”

“ _Tch_ , maybe _you_ should check your facts first, dumbass. Maybe you're blind, or you just don't see the obvious implications that I am _female_. It's as clear as day, damn idiot. I'm more _woman_ than the eyes can see.” She gestured towards her swelling curves.

 _It's true_ , but he wasn't going to tell her that.

“Lying is bad, China pig.”

She rolled her eyes.

“ _Bastard_.”

Before their insult-exchange could get any worse, the crowd _(thankfully)_ had now cleared a bit. Sougo didn't want his _zōri_ sandals to start gluing itself to the asphalt, so he began to walk. Kagura stood there for a second, unsure of what to do, but she eventually followed suit since he was the only other person she knew there.

“Oi, Sadist.” She called.

“What?”

“Where are we going?”

“Well, _I'm_ going to try and find Kondo-san, or _Danna_ ; I don't know about you though... not that I care anyway.”

* * *

_Wha—can he be any more of an asshole!?_ Kagura screeched inwardly.

Getting stuck with the bastard was already a pain in the ass _enough_. _Why was he being such a jerk!?_

She knows he's a sadist— _that's clear to anyone who has eyes_ —but that doesn't stop her from wanting to pound his stupid head into a fucking wall!

 _Which head, though?_ Her filthy conscience suddenly interjected.

Her train of thought suddenly ceased as she screamed inwardly once again.

_What the fuck!?_

_And pound his head into what? Into what, Kagura?_

She swears, her conscience almost sounded like the Sadist, dressed as a devil on her shoulder.

_No, no, no! Shut up, Kagura! Right now, is not the time to be thinking these sorts of perverse things!_

She already admits it, _she likes the Sadist_. But she's never going to tell him that, _ever_. Lest she wants to be subjected to his endless teasing.

Ever since that incident four months ago, all of a sudden, a barrage of dirty thoughts came crashing through the front door of what used to be a notably sinless brain. Though, she was fairly knowledge about the topic of sex thanks to Gin-chan's porn collection, but her experience only ended there. Which was why when she accidentally _kissed_ the damn Sadist, her brain had simply short-circuited and left her body.

 _Was it even an accident, though?_ Frankly, she doesn't know. But she was sure _he_ was the one who initiated it. Well, _kind off..._ She wasn't completely innocent from that whole debacle, since _she_ overtly _sat_ on him.

_The tip of her umbrella nearly graced his pretty face as she forced it unto the ground, the concrete cracking beneath his wake._

_They were both panting hard from just finishing another fight; she was currently straddling him, her ass on his abdomen as she stared below, his head caged between her arm and her umbrella._

_She leaned in towards him, just to taunt him a little, “give up, Sadist?”_

_She'd long threw his sword somewhere in the bushes of the park, leaving him weaponless, which was supposed to mark another victory for her. But he was one stubborn mule._

_“I'm not the type to give up easily, China.”_

_It was a typical line from him, but what caught her off-guard was his large hand, suddenly making its way up her hip, stroking her slender waist. She'd always noticed him eyeing her—she knows damn well that her legs looked delicious as hell by the view the slits of her cheongsam gave away—but she didn't expect him to ever be forward about his desires. The smug bastard was staring right at her, and there was something else in the bold shade of red in his eyes that she couldn't quite decipher._

_She wanted to scream at him—tell him that this was sexual harassment—but she couldn't get herself to do so. She was still breathless from the fight when she thought of a coherent reply, so it only came out as a whisper, “what the fuck... are you doing...”_

_She wasn't openly against what he was doing, she was too tired to care. And maybe that carelessness was the exact reason why the air around them had suddenly shifted, the type of adrenaline in her veins changing into something else; the pumped up feeling after sparring quickly changing into..._

_She stared at his eyes._

_Oh,_ lust _._

_“I don't know, China.” That calloused hand began caressing her side once again, leaving tingles on her skin. He found his way to her nape and pushed her forward with his hand so that her face was only mere inches away from his. One wrong move and their lips would touch. She was sure he could see how flushed her face was. His maroon gaze looked so much more intense up closely, and if her inner-demon lulled her further with temptation, she just might kiss him._

_“What exactly do you want me to do,” he said, his breath leaving tingles on her lips._

_Maybe it was because she was too caught up in the moment, and too distracted by her erratic heart that when he pushed her to the side, the tiredness of her body and her aching muscles wasn't able to put up much of a fight. Now_ he _was on top of her._

_“What do you want me to do, China,” he said once again, his voice low and sexy as he leaned closer, bending his elbows on the ground so that she was caged in his arms._

_Now her heart was pounding wildly against her ribcage._

_She was getting dizzy. She wasn't in her right state of mind. She tried to convince herself how shitty of an idea this was and that she needed to get out of there before things get worse. After all, he was her rival, her sparring partner, her... friend... Sexual tension be damned. But she found no voice trying to convince her except for that tiny little devil on her shoulder. All rational thought has left her._

_Lust-crazed and thoughtless, she leaned forward and whispered into his ears as sensually as she could, “What I want? I want you to fucking kiss me, you damn Sadist.”_

_And he did._

_With no words uttered, he crashed his mouth into hers, lips colliding. She made a tiny squeak as their teeth bumped. There was a tiny bit of hesitation as they moved their lips, but too quickly, their hungry mouths left no room for any other thought except for their desire to devour one another. With no permission asked, he sucked on her lower lip while she bit his, making it bleed. She could taste the metallic flavor of blood, and a fruity sensation from what she infers was from a grape-flavored chuubert he had earlier today._

_She moaned and gasped for air as their mouths moved in tandem for what felt like an eternity, the pounding in her chest never ceasing as their tongues battled for dominance. She sighed against his lips while he grunted; and one could tell that by the look of things, they were practically begging for more. Or at least she was, if the throbbing sensation between her legs were an indication enough. Testing the waters, she rubbed her knee against his crotch, to which he groaned, momentarily stopping their heated kiss._

_Sweating, he breathed out, his damp forehead touching hers, “China...”_

_She replied with a low hum._

_“Do you have any idea what you're doing.” Half-lidded eyes gazed at her._

_She wanted to laugh at him. The gall;_ he _was the one who initiated this whole debacle._

_Wordlessly, she stroked the bulging erection of his pants. He made a sound in his throat._

_“... I think I do.”_

_Suddenly they were staring at each other again. Time seemed to have stopped; they were currently encased in this imaginary bubble where only the two of them existed. It's almost like one of their fights; where they'd get too caught up in the heat of the moment, that everything just seemed to... disappear... She rather liked that feeling, where it's just him, and her._

_Dazed, the only thing she could hear were their mangled breaths. Both of them were tired, from the fight, and from their short make-out session. But both of them currently possessed an insatiable hunger which their bodies were craving for. Almost in sync, their heads leaned forward, just to try and taste each other's lips once more—_

_“What are you two doing!”  
  
—until the sound of a little girl's voice brought them out of their stupor, the innocent exclamation suddenly making them self-aware of their overtly suggestive position. She could've sworn they were alone in the park. Anyone who saw even a small implication of them starting another fight would usually run the other way as to not get caught in their clashes, but apparently, this little girl didn't know that..._

_In a haste, the two scrambled to get off of one another._

_“Is that what they call PDA...?” The little girl asked._

_Kagura dusted the dirt that clung to her cheongsam. She was sure her face was a bruising scarlet, all flushed, and as red as her current attire._

_Blushing—all swollen lips and timid eyes—she turned to the tiny girl standing idly before them, “U-uh-uhm... T-that, that was...”_

_She turned to Sougo to plead for help, but he was currently facing the other direction. Though, she could see the obvious red that tinged the tips of his ears._

_“T-that was... ah... a... a demonstration of what you shouldn't do in public!”_

_“... Uh?”_

_She could practically hear the Sadist inwardly face-palming. She wanted to bury herself in a hole._

_“That's r... r-right! Don't do things like that, kid! PDA is bad! Ahahaha...”_

_“So that really was PDA?”_

_If it was even possible, her whole body was burning red._

_“Y-yes... Maybe... I, I think so...” Unable to further face the unbearable situation, she began to run, laughing maniacally (a poor attempt to conceal her embarrassment). “B-bahahaha! I-I'll leave her to you, you punk Chihuahua!”_

* * *

And that was that.

The last thing she heard before she sprinted further away was him asking the little girl if she was lost, to which she replied with a cute 'yes.'

As embarrassed as she was, Kagura was grateful that the little girl had intervened when she did. The two of them seemed to have been _too_ caught up in that bubble of theirs. They were just about to tear each other's clothes off, right then and there... _in public_...

After that incident, she no longer knew how to face the Sadist. Now there was this weird sexual tension between them, and she didn't know how to act.

This entire atmosphere around them felt so damn weird. 

Every time they came across each other since then, there'd be this strange hesitation behind their interactions. Sure, they'd act the same as usual, banter and insults finding their way into their attempt at conversation seamlessly, but now there was something else there. She wasn't sure what it was, but she was sure it was awkward, embarrassing, and unnatural. She didn't like that. And even if she _did_ know what had transpired after that kiss, she wouldn't dare voice that realization out loud.

Because, if the way her heart pounded at the mere thought of him was an indication enough, then unfortunately, she had _feelings_ for the Sadist.

 _Nothing could ever fuck her up more than that epiphan_ y.

But she thinks, _he isn't so bad_... After all of her failed attempts at a romantic relationship—one of them being with a giant—she decides that the Sadist might not be such a bad candidate for a potential boyfriend...

_... Did she really just say that?_

_... Fuck._

All of a sudden, the turbulent chatter of the bustling crowd wafted through her ears and brought her out of her reverie. She instinctively glanced at her side, finding Sougo walking alongside her. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't notice him slowing down in order for her to catch up. _For a Sadist, he sure could be quite considerate sometimes_... Kagura fought back a blush that tried to creep up her face.

_Tch._

She really had it bad.

_She really liked him, huh?_

_... She does. And she'd rather die than tell him that._

You can't blame her. She's known him for _four years;_ she won't be able to help it when miscellaneous feelings get in the way of their rivalry, _especially if said person is hot as hell... (she finally admits it, he is pretty damn sexy...)_.

So it wasn't her fault! Blame it on his soft-looking caramel hair, his hypnotic rosewood eyes, his pretty face, his chiseled jawline, his toned body...

... Actually, maybe she's just _sexually attracted_ to him...

But then, he's also strong, and can be chivalrous if he wants to. He's a good person, she knows that. He says he's a murderer, but she knows better. That damn Sadist is a piece of shit; sometimes he's like this unbreakable wall with his trademark poker face, but he can prove to be quite a troll with a soft heart.

She may get pissed at him a lot of times, and she might say she hates him, but that's only because he's stupid and does stupid things like put tabasco sauce on her _sukonbu_.

But, he could be so considerate sometimes when he isn't being his usual sadistic self... Like now, when he slowed his steps down for her, or when he'd protected Kirie back then, or when he didn't take the scabbard off his sword during a fight where she was wearing a particularly pretty _cheongsam_ , or when he gave her the other half of his _chuubert_ that one time when she complained she was insanely hungry and that _Gin-chan_ didn't give her a paycheck _(as if he ever does)_. He told her that she's always hungry with her blackhole of a stomach, which was true, but he gave it to her anyway... and he gave her the one with the knobbed half too...

They also share a similar brand of humor. She doesn’t want to tell him; but sometimes, the way he'd respond to her whims with much vigor leaves her elated and impressed. Conversation with him flows rather smoothly, and yet, they don't exchange words as much as they probably should. Their clashing weapons had almost always done the talking for them, and she supposes it speaks much louder than words anyway. She briefly mulls over the fact that they knew each other _so well_ that it becomes so easy to exist with one another. And in those four years, in all those fights that they'd ever had, her sly conscience had come to the conclusion that whatever it was that was going on between them—was completely and utterly _mutual_.

And while she thinks that a romantic relationship between them might not even happen just because they are two stubborn _tsunderes_ , she thinks that it _would_ be nice if he could be hers... Because, that _idiot_... was the dirtied missing sock that completed her pair. Her only worthy opponent, and her one true rival; he's this and that, and she _liked_ him. _Really liked him_.

_... Wait a damn minute, why was she reflecting on these things now? Why was she acting like some corny, love-obsessed teenage girl!? And in the middle of a Penis Festival, of all places!_

She wanted to pound her head against a wall. Multiple times, enough to make her head bleed. _Dammit, dammit!_

_She likes the Sadist!_

“I would _really_ like to know why you've been staring at me these past few minutes. Did you want a picture of my face, China?” 

She choked on her spit.

“A-are—” _Cough._ “Are you _retarded_!? Who'd want to look at _your_ ugly mug!” _Was she really staring at him this whole time!?_

He smirked. _That bastard..._ “Apparently _you_ do, China. What, did you finally realize you were my M all along?”

“I'm no one's M!”

“ _Tsk_. I guess not, not for someone who has zero sex appeal.”

Kagura could only gawk at him with her slaughterous glare.

_Seriously, what was with him attacking her sex appeal of all things?_

_Was this really the person she likes?_

_That shitty bastard... He totally likes her! So annoying..._

In the meantime, she opted to moodily turn her head the other way with a brooding pout, looking over the stalls they were passing by, waiting for any eccentric food stand to catch her attention.

She was just about to open the last tub of _Baagen-Dash_ ice cream she had left when something just _did_. She could only silently gape at the outlandishness of it _(though, she was currently at a Penis Festival, nothing should really surprise her at this point if she's being honest)_.

It was a quaint little stall— _selling phallus-shaped waffles on a stick_. The sheer size of the cockeyed dessert openly displayed on a waffle stick holder had managed to grab her attention so quickly. She'd already eaten tiny, dick-shaped candies, but seeing the blatant innuendo was enough to get her body all heated up.

The stall seemed to have no customers at the moment, and being the spontaneous and curious young woman that she was, she decided she wanted to buy one, just to maybe mess with the Sadist.

_'Zero sex appeal my ass.' She'll show him._

She abruptly ceased her steps, which Sougo immediately noticed and followed suit.

He turned to her slowly, a miniscule amount of confusion shown on his face. He called out to her, “Oi, China.”

She said nothing.

“Why'd you suddenly stop, did you finally lose your last remaining brain cell?”

The words he said went over her head. At this point, the stall was practically calling out to her. It was the perfect suggestion to fabricate an astonishingly devious plan.

“ _Hey Sadist_.”

“... What?”

“What is it that you said about my sex appeal?”

“Why, you're finally admitting that you have none?”

“More like the opposite—” a pause. “—I'll be right back, go wait over there!”

* * *

He was simply left there, dumb-founded and confused. He didn't know what went inside her head this time, so he just plainly shrugged it off and ventured over to the place she pointed at; an ignored bench beside a red vending machine.

_Whatever, he was starting to get thirsty anyway._

His feet brought him towards the machine. There were various drinks to choose from, but he wasn't that picky, and honestly, he just didn't have it in him to meticulously decide on a specific beverage. It was too hot for him to give a shit. He wordlessly inserted a few coins into the slot and pressed the corresponding buttons, choosing to go with a grape-flavored _Fanta_.

He then slumped over on the bench and slung an arm over its backrest. Taking a few moments of silence, he then took a sip from his drink, letting the fruity purple flavor run down his throat, cooling him in the process.

 _Waiting for China to come back from whatever quest she took on sure was boring._

Tasting another sip of the carbonated fruit drink, Sougo stared up at the cloudless sky; the bright blue looming over him like a dome. The sun seemed to be taking its break at the moment, which might explain why Kagura didn't have her umbrella with her. Though, it was still a bit odd seeing her without it. Just a little while ago, the sun felt like it was blaring right at his skin. It was still hot, but the weather seemed to have cooled down just a bit. 

“ _Sadist!_ ”

Notified by the sound of her voice, he was just about to ask her where her purple umbrella was— _until his eyes landed on the_ thing _in her hand_.

_Ptooey!_

“Oi, idiot, watch it!”

He had spurted his drink, the grape-flavored refreshment gushing from his mouth like an unsuspecting water hose.

“China, what—”

“Control yourself, Sadist, you almost ruined my outfit.”

She then sat beside him on the bench, acting as though she wasn't just holding a _penis-shaped waffle_ , which looked almost hauntingly similar to a _real_ one _._

“ _The fuck_ , _China_? Alright, first of all, what is _that_?”

“It's a waffle on a stick, obviously.”

“In the shape of a fucking _dick_?”

“So crass... but yes, it is in fact in the shape of a fucking _dick_.”

His mouth twitched, momentarily ignoring the phallus-shaped waffle in her hand. “Since when did you recognize what words are and aren't vulgar, China pig?”

“What are you talking about, idiot? I was just answering your question.”

“But you didn't answer my other question properly. Now, what the _hell_ is _that_?”

“Huh? I just told you, it's a waffle. I bought it from that stall over there, apparently these were imported from Thailand just for this event.”

“Alright... but, _why_?”

“What do you mean _'why'_?” She snorted. “Why are you so bothered by this, Sadist? If I'm such a pig with _zero sex appeal,_ then seeing me eat something like this should be entirely harmless for you, shouldn't it? Besides, we're in a Penis Festival, get used to it.”

“China...”

“ _Tch_ , shut up and let me eat in peace!” 

_Damn it... not good._

That girl was really planning on eating that _thing_ right in front of him. His traitorous mind had already started doing flashbacks from that specific incident. He was not about to get horny from watching her eat a waffle on a stick, but the way her doll face was eyeing the snack was making it so damn difficult for him to control himself. He could feel his boxers beginning to tighten at the crotch, and it felt _insulting_. _Him_? Okita Sougo, first division captain of the Shinsengumi? Reduced to a pathetic horny boy by the mere sight of China holding a fucking _waffle_? _Sure it was in the shape of a penis, but still_...

And as if things couldn't get any worse for him, the sound of her opening the last tub of vanilla ice cream jolted him into a state of panic. _Just what the hell was she planning on doing with it?_ Kagura had always been spontaneous, but some things she does, even _he_ couldn't fathom. He was excellent at not showing any emotions, but the inner turmoil he was currently experiencing might just be enough to break the sturdy glass of his façade.

“China, you...”

“ _What_? We need more ice cream in our lives. Plus, it's too hot.”

He was starting to feel a mix of perplexity and unease, a bead of sweat trailing down from his temple. He swears, if she was going to do what he thinks she's planning, then he's _fucked_.

Then she did it, she dipped the fucking waffle into the tub of cold vanilla.

He gulped.

“Now why the fuck would you dip that in ice cream?” He asked as deadpanned as he could, trying his best to conceal the nervousness in his voice.

“Why not? People on eating shows do it all the time; it's a pretty good combo, actually. Also, I lost my spoon somewhere and I don't really want to look for it.”

When she took the waffle out of the container, he immediately went rigid. In her hand was a dick-shaped waffle—almost covered from the tip to its base with the white dessert—the melted ice cream dripping onto her slender fingers. And he swears, he knows that _she_ knows what it had practically looked like. They were at a Penis Festival, of course, that was a given, but anyone with the right amount of libido would be insane if the display didn't leave them with even a slight hint of an erection. It was embarrassing; Sougo was no weak man, but he just can't seem to control what that sight of her does to him.

 _... Shit_ , he was losing his composure

Sougo glanced at her face, she was merely staring at the makeshift penis and nothing else. He didn't know what she was waiting for, he guesses she was starting to get nervous at the sight. Naturally.

He'd long deterred that she was doing this for shits and giggles. That girl could be as much of a schemer as he could be. But, _he_ was the damn Sadist, not her. Her making him suffer with the titillating display just didn't sit right with him. But with it being just the two of them— _two obviously horny adults_ —with her holding that monstrosity... he wasn't sure how to handle the situation.

"... Want a bite?" She suddenly offered.

It would've been odd that _China_ was sharing her food, but given the situation that they were currently in, and considering that it was a waffle in the shape of a phallus, he'd quickly deduced that she thinks of it as a joke. Her playful laughter confirmed that.

"Just kidding, Sadist. If you actually took a bite out of this then that probably means you're into dick, right?” She chuckled... _Silence_. “... Wait a minute, _are you_ —"

"No."

"Oh. Eh, whatever, it's not like I care."

He merely deadpanned at her.

_'What the hell was she doing? Don't tell me she's stalling.'_

* * *

_'Shit, I'm stalling.'_

Now that she was holding it out in front of her, she couldn't help the pink that spread on her cheeks. _This was embarrassing_. But it was her plan to begin with, she can't back down now. This was a golden opportunity to torture the Sadist for leaving her sexually frustrated that day. It's now or never.

Before anything else, she ran her tongue from the bottom of the waffle to its tip. Her fingers were starting to get sticky because of the melted drips of ice cream. She briefly wonders what she had looked like doing it.

“Sorry, my fingers were starting to get all sticky.”

He said nothing.

Continuing, she licked all sides where the cream was dripping, in agonizingly slow fashion. To make it look like an authentic performance, she made sure she didn't twist or turn the stick in her hand, and made her head do all the moving.

When she cleaned the waffle free from the ice cream, she switched the stick to her other hand and began licking her fingers. Kagura looked at the waffle; it was glistening with the leftover coat of ice cream and her saliva. The tub of ice cream still contained a lot so she went ahead and dipped the pastry for the second time.

 _The Sadist sure was quiet for some reason_...

She turned to him. She wasn't sure just how _good_ he was at concealing his emotions, but she knows that he hides it quite well. Though, just like how he noticed her when she faked an illness, she noticed that he was _struggling_ and was barely able to keep up a front.

He was sweating, and she was sure the hand hidden away from her view was in a tight fist, itching for _something_. She smirked inwardly.

“Wanna see how deep this could go into my mouth?” She asked, almost innocently. The way those words, perfectly laced with debauched intentions, fell right out of her mouth would have embarrassed her. But when her keen eyes saw him flinch for just a quarter of a second, her inner-demon went ballistic. _The Sadist_ was barely surviving.

Out of the two of them, he liked messing with her _a lot_. 

But now it was her turn to mess with him, and it was so much _fun_.

 _If this was a fight, he'd have already lost_.

Kagura then slowly thrusted the pastry into her mouth, careful to catch all the ice cream before it fell onto her hands again. It was going in deep—she swears she could easily swallow the whole thing. She'd long grown past her vomiting habits, the tip of the waffle was pretty much touching her uvula, but she didn't choke or gag.

She swirled her tongue around it, wanting to elicit a type of reaction from him. And when her sharp ears heard him gulp, she knew.

_He was at her mercy._

* * *

Watching her eat that thing as if she was some sort of a professional deep-throater was becoming more and more difficult for him to control himself.

_Just how large is her fucking throat!?_

_He knew her stomach was a black hole, don't tell him her throat was too?_

_God fucking dammit_...

He wasn't aware her mouth was _this_ talented. That little schemer was loudly tempting him to just end all things and rip their clothes off in the middle of the festival. His heart was beating rapidly. He should probably look somewhere, but it was so difficult to just _look away from her._ He'd had plenty of sick fantasies concerning her and his... _dick_... and when she's _right there_ just giving him a tease of what might come next, well, how was he supposed to look away from such a show.

He then saw a few strands falling to her face. Sougo wanted to brush them away for her, but before he could even contemplate doing so, she had already brushed the few vermillion locks away and behind her ears. Her hand was currently trying to keep her long hair in place, trapping it in a delicate hold with her fist.

 _She looked so erotic doing that_.

Kagura then side-eyed him with her half-lidded gaze. He saw a tiny bit of smirk as she slowly slid the waffle out of her mouth.

_This little shit was enjoying this._

And while that small action vexed him, he simply ignored it since, it seemed, his crotch was building up a tent in his fucking boxers. He felt it twitch. He was getting _hard_ , all from watching China go at it with her talented little mouth, and it was practically aching— _begging_ —for a release.

He discretely tried to cover his boner using the ends of his gray _haori_ when he noticed; _he wasn't the only one enjoying the show_.

He sensed multiple eyes looking at her direction, and he didn't need to turn to look at who they were. His spatial awareness already told him that these people were trying, but _failing_ to be discrete with taking a glance. These were perverted men, red in the face, noses flaring, and aroused. He understood why. But he wasn't going to let that prolong any further.

Sougo turned his eyes away from Kagura and flashed a murderous glare to anyone he saw acting like a voyeur. He was pretty much radiating killing intent as the word _'murder'_ seemed to manifest into thin air. They were about to back away when Kagura called out to him.

“Yo, Sadist. Look at this, I completely cleaned the waffle.”

He was just about to give a retort when she suddenly aggressively _bit_ into the fucking waffle.

_He flinched so hard he wanted to slap himself._

He briefly heard the men previously watching her avert their gaze in shock. At least that problem was now solved...

“That ice cream was really good, you know? You should have tasted it.” Of course _she'd be_ nonchalant after doing something like that.

When he finally found his voice, he decided to reply. “How could I when you greedily kept it all to yourself?”

“Oh...? Whatever happened to ' _China pig_ ,' huh? Am I not a _pig_ to you anymore?”

“... I guess not, you fucking Sadist.”

She laughed, “so _I'm_ a sadist now?”

“Yeah, always have been.” he leaned closer. “Do you even have any idea what you just did?”

“Uh...” Now it was her turn to be shut up.

His face was only a few inches away from hers, and just like last time, he could see every detail of her porcelain face. Her eyes were widened by a fraction, looking almost innocent and a bit surprised, as if she didn't just have him and a few others at her mercy with her mischievous display.

“Take responsibility for it, _China doll_.”

As if instinctively, she quickly looked down and saw for a few moments what her little stunt had done to him.

She stammered, blinking rapidly, pink grazing her cheeks, “u-um...”

“— _Hell yeahhh!_ ”

All of a sudden, a loud battle cry brought them out of their tense situation.

They both looked towards the source of the sound, finding that the festival procession had already started. Sougo knew the events that'll transpire in the festival; he'd done his research, _of course he did_. A few men will be carrying a large sculpture of a phallus from the _Kanayama Shrine_ down the hill for people to parade to in the streets; it seemed customary enough for a Penis Festival. But what he didn't expect was for that gigantic pink sculpture of a phallus to be carried by none other than _Danna_ himself. And wait, _Hijibaka too_?

“Get your hands off the sculpture, you damn permhead!”

“Why don't _you_ keep your v-shaped bangs out of here, _tax robber_!”

They were _loud_ , but with the way the two of them slurred their words with their flushed faces, he could tell. _Those rowdy idiots were dead drunk_.

Gintoki was currently holding the wooden plate supporting the totem, strongly carrying the gigantic statue with his hands as he swayed back on forth.

Sougo heard _sake_ was going to be served during the parade, on _why that is_ , he had no idea. He almost pitied the festival planner who was trying to get the _Yorozuya Danna_ to calmly put the statue down, but to no avail, a drunk Gintoki was completely and utterly wild and untamble. Add in a mayonnaise and nicotine-addict freak, a loud _tsukkomi,_ and a naked gorilla commander being _spun into the air by the leg_ , then thrown far away by a rampaging gorilla lady, and you'll get an exuberant shit-show.

It's only a matter of time before they destroy the whole festival.

With him and Kagura being keen festival-goers, he supposes it's only just that they put a stop to this whole thing, just like how they did when that genius mechanic _Gengai_ ruined their little rivalry at one of the festival's shooting gallery when he decided to let his crude robots attack. But now they were both adults, and whatever was ruined wasn't just a simple, playful competition.

Sougo would've even laughed at the _Yorozuya Danna_ for his drunken antics if he didn't break him and Kagura's intensified sexual tension. Instead, the two of them merely watched the group make a fool out of themselves in matching deadpanned stares.

He doesn't know how much more he can take with witnessing a whole circus play out, so he decided to turn to the girl beside him. She was still sporting an impassive gaze when he cupped the other side of her face with his hand as he leaned closer to her ears, and whispered.

“Wanna continue where we left off, _China doll?_ ”

He smirked when he noticed her blush. _That's what she gets for torturing him_.

“ _Well?_ ”

She squeaked when he blew air into her ears.

“... O... okay...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've kinda had enough of editing this over and over again so i just went ahead and published this, like what the heck, screw perfectionism ︎
> 
> this ended up being longer than expected, idk how that happened tbh. i don't really know how to write... this fic is pretty much all-over the place and i feel like i'm just mashing words together hoping that they make sense. honestly, bless you if you gave this a chance and read the whole thing... this is the first fic i've ever published, i hope you liked it so far :) ♡♡♡
> 
> also reviews and constructive criticism are much much much appreciated! (π - π)՞՞  
> thank you for reading! ♡


	2. Chapter 2

_Damn him..._

_That close proximity almost made her heart burst._

The sensation of his deep voice whispering directly into her ears almost turned her legs into jelly. She supposes it's in his every right to do so, she just put on a whole spectacle of her own with every intention of torturing him. She still claimed it as a victory. But should that even matter _now_ when he's dragging her by the hand into a... _into a_...

Their feet stopped. Kagura tore her gaze away from their joined hands and looked towards where they had ended up at.

It was a hotel. _A fancy one_.

The superstructure was located not too far from where the festival took place, looking almost like a landmark of some sort with its reflectiveness and glamor while having the twilight view as its background. She wanted to marvel over the building's grandeur, but with the way Sougo had looked over to her— _staring at her with his amorous gaze_ —her thoughts had become too all-over-the-place to work with.

Kagura could practically sense the smugness coming from him as she was sure her face was tinged in pink.

“What's wrong, China?” 

“N-nothing...”

He hummed.

He then gently tugged her hand forward, urging her to follow him inside the building. In an instant, they were surrounded by light beige walls, and bronze-metal. She would've wanted to explore the space of the hotel's interior (and maybe brag about it to the Yorozuya too), but she _couldn't_. She couldn't when all she could focus on was the back of his head, their joined hands, and the way their shoes echoed on the shiny marble floor. She swears, each step they took echoed loudly in her ears, her heart pounding with nervousness.

Their hands were still joined when the bronze elevator doors opened for them. It was a mirror-encased elevator, and she briefly caught a glimpse of their current state through their reflection as they entered.

They were both expressionless, but were practically _oozing_ with sex drive.

Their hands were still joined when he pressed the designated floor on the button panel. She was too distracted to notice which floor button he pressed. Their palms were starting to get all clammy, but they didn't let go. The mirror served as a blatant reminder that the two of them were now _alone_ , and that _this_ was really happening. And she was sure that behind that façade, _he_ was nervous too.

_Was this really happening?_

_Was she really gonna do it... with him!?_

_Oh god..._

_Calm down, Kagura..._

Her heart was beating at a maddening pace. With the quietness of the elevator and how invasive the mirror felt, the elevator ride seemed to be taking longer than it should. So, one could probably understand the brief relief she felt when the doors dinged open. The distracting sound seemed to have quelled her anxiety a bit. But it quickly reemerged when he led her towards his hotel room, stationed right at the end of the spacious corridor.

He had finally let go of her hand when he had to swipe his keycard on the keycard reader installed on the door. As he did that, she took the chance to quickly wipe her sweaty hands on her _cheongsam_. When she heard the click of the door opening, she contemplated whether or not to just simply remain rooted onto the hallway's marble floor. Dammit _, she was nervous as fuck._

“Are you coming in?”

Instead of replying, she simply waltzed into the room after him. It was her first time stepping foot inside a fancy hotel suite. There was so much to look at, but her eyes could only dart around the room in frisson. She only got more nervous when she heard him close the door. She wanted to break this tension, but she couldn't get herself to speak at all.

“Why don't you take a shower first, China? You must be tired from walking around all day.” _Yes she was_ , and she was grateful he was letting her cool off first. But of course, that damn idiot needed to tease her. She felt him hover behind her as he whispered directly into her ears, “the bathroom's over there.” He nudged his head towards its direction.

She fought back a shiver as she meekly made a sound of affirmation.

_Damn him._

With no words uttered, she removed her shoes and made her way into the bathroom. She sighed, relishing in the feeling as her feet touched the cold floor tiles. She breathed in and out. Her heart still pounded against her chest as she slumped her back against the closed door.

_So this was really happening, huh?_

A pause.

_Gin-chan's secret porn stash, please lend me your guidance..._

* * *

“Calm down, Sougo. Calm down...”

She was still in the other bathroom; Sougo had just finished showering and was currently sitting on the large bed of the bedroom. His upper body was free of the robe he'd put on, its partially discarded upper portion pooling around his hip. He was slumped over at the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees and dampened flaxen hair, a drying towel carelessly put on top of his head.

He's got to give it to the old man Matsudaira. Sougo was partially hesitant about being given a luxurious hotel as a place to stay for the night as they were only _'country bumpkin samurais'_ and it was just a festival. It would've been wasteful to treat them like that; _he didn't even know where the money came from_. Though, of course, it would've been bad manners on his part if he declined. Not wanting to cease this golden opportunity, he'd then agreed, because of course he would. He didn't think such a simple decision would end up benefiting him. _Quite convenient how he was given a two-bathroom hotel suite too_. If he were to pick a place where he would lose his virginity, some place like this probably would've been one of his choices. And to think, he was going to do it— _with her_.

_Fuck, calm the fuck down, you horny virgin. You sound like a hopeless romantic cherry boy._

If he was being honest though, he didn't think he was going to make it that far with her.

That moment four months ago only happened because he'd carelessly let his sexual drive lose control. Yes, he held genuine feelings for the China girl, but he was also a policeman and a samurai. Although he doesn't seem to show it, he was devoted to his job. He was a busy man; he didn't think he'd ever have the time to fall and love and fuck around, but here he was now.

_Fucking shit..._

He was thinking up a million thoughts per second. He wanted—no, he needed a distraction. The room was far too quiet for his liking. No noise, save for the running AC and the heavy droplets of water dripping from his half-dried hair. She was also quiet in the other bathroom. She must have opted to soak herself in the bathtub instead of simply taking a quick shower like he did. He'd known she was nervous too. And he was grateful to have been given this chance wherein it's just him and his thoughts alone. He needed time to think everything through.

_Dammit, he didn't need to feel so nervous._

But this was _China_. He's sure that whatever happens tonight will be engraved into his mind forever.

Speaking of Kagura, the bathroom she was currently in didn't have a bathrobe, if he remembered correctly. He needed to move his muscles anyway, he shouldn't sit there for too long.

He went inside his bathroom to fetch her a robe, but just as he stepped foot in it, he heard the creak of his door opening.

“ _Sadist_?” He heard her ask. He then heard the sound of the door close.

He was a bit puzzled with how she'd just apparently waltzed right into his room without a robe with her, but he merely shrugged it off. 

“China, do you need a robe?” He asked just as he went out of the bathroom. But his next words died right at his throat when he found her sitting on his previous spot on the bed, body flushed, and clad in a _skimpy white towel_ that accentuated all of her voluptuous curves.

_He didn't think he could get a boner that fast._

_It was as if she was some sort of boner Kryptonite or something._

Her orange hair was dry and tied into a messy bun; she had been squeezing water from some of her stray locks when she'd looked at him after he'd called out to her.

She blushed when they made eye contact. _And damn, the mere sight of her like that just made him want to fuck her senselessly right then and there._

“No, it's okay... I'm fine like this.”

 _Silence_.

“... Uh—” she cleared her throat. “— _by the way_... where the hell did you get the money to afford a hotel like this, Chihuahua?”

He wanted to laugh at her attempt at conversation. _She's damn cute_. But it was good that she did that before they got stuck in some weird, unnecessary awkward silence.

“Working for the Shinsengumi has some of its perks,” he'd answered, intrepid as he walked closer to her.

“Tax robber.”

He smirked. “Of course. And you? Where would _Danna_ have let you all stayed?”

“That old man doesn't have a single yen on him and you know it. This is... It's probably fine if I stayed... _here_...”

He was now standing right in front of her.

“... Yeah?”

She slowly stood up.

“Y-yeah...”

They were now standing so close to each other—a mere hair's breath away as he loomed over her shorter stature. And since he couldn't quite keep his hands to himself, he slowly snaked his arms around her narrow waist. And she _let_ him. She looked good caged in his arms like this _, she was a perfect fit too_. It was as if they were made to hold each other like this; as if their bodies were made to perfectly complement each other and really, that seemed to be the case. He'd notice it every single time they sparred, and now that he actually held her... he felt so... _fulfilled_.

”Ch— _Kagura_...”  
  
The sound of her name coming from his mouth seemed to have surprised her, he was too. It was a bit of a foreign concept to him, but he inferred that the taste of her name felt rather good in his mouth. _He liked it_ , and he would like to get used to it.

“S-Sougo...” she replied. He simply _swooned_.

He then leaned closer, feeling her hot breath on his lips. He bent forward and rested his forehead against hers. They stared at each other as the tension consumed them; _it was all too intimate_ , and he felt like he was about to fall right into the deep pools of her ocean eyes.

“Kagura...” he started. “... Are you sure you want this?”

“Of course.” She barely whispered. “ _More than ever_.” She admits.

And that approval was all he needed to hear.

_There was no turning back now._

Their heads tilted forward in sync—eyes closed—their lips melding together in an instant.

They didn't need to be slow. They had already done it once and that was all it took to get used to the feel of each other's lips.

The messy tangle of her bun unraveled right then, he got a fistful of her orange locks as he rested his hand at the back of her head to angle her face— _deepening the kiss_. She made a squeak, a tiny moan, and his heart decided to skip a beat. He nipped at her bottom lip, licking, begging for entrance. She parted her mouth for him, passionately consuming him in an open-mouth kiss. They sensually touched tongues, sucking each other's lips; _and he was loving every second of it_. 

He felt heat rise from his stomach, spreading all over his body. They were practically stuck together by the skin, their sweat seeming like glue even when they've both only just gotten out of the bath. The room was rather cold, but the heat their bodies generated was almost enough to turn the place into a sauna. He wanted more of her. If it was possible, _he wanted to get closer to her_. He felt himself ache, and more so as she touched his sturdy abdomen, softly gliding her hands down...

“ _Sadist_...” she muttered lowly, breaking the kiss. “Don't you want me to take care of that first?”

It was painfully obvious what she was pertaining to. Even through the white robe that hung from his hips, his apparent boner was as clear as day.

“Then help me relieve myself, China.” 

Letting his instincts take over, Sougo pushed her onto the bed. He hovered over her figure, watching her chest rise and fall while she slowly panted hard. Underneath those heavy lashes, her azure eyes were filled to the brim with lust. Just then, his mind went haywire as he watched her hand slowly reach for the tucked cloth of her wrapped towel, and in one swift motion, she'd removed it from her body, throwing the discarded cloth over the bed.

His brain lagged. He was sure his eyes were bulging out of their sockets. He felt himself get harder that it was almost _painful_. His eyes darted all-over the girl underneath him, making sure to take in the sight of her body, etching it into his mind. The smooth expanse of her porcelain skin was practically _begging_ to be defiled. Sougo had been incredibly familiar with her body because of their fights, but it was his first time to ever see her in this state. Bathed in the hotel's fluorescent light, her flushed body looked so addictive in that pale-yellow glow. From her ample chest, to her hardened pink nipples, to her flat stomach, to her swollen hips, to her pink sex. He was at loss for words. _She's fucking beautiful._

“D-don't stare too much...” Her soft voice brought him out of his stupor, not realizing he had been staring for quite some time now. She covered her breasts, turning her head to the side in slight diffidence. He suddenly remembered it was her first time showing him this kind of vulnerability.

He rested his head at crook of her neck. “Sorry, China... It's just... you're just so...”

“S-so...?”

“... You are just, so... damn... _beautiful_...”

He lifted his head, meeting her eyes. He saw relief and vulnerability in her cerulean hues, and he felt the urge to just _kiss_ her again. So he did.

Their lips melded slowly, gently, feeling the other. But she'd quickly become too bold again after being just previously bashful. Her hands were already touching him in certain places. _This vixen_... She was reaching for his robe-covered erection with the back of her hand, breaking the kiss when he groaned, opting to leave wet kisses on his neck and on his chest and down.

He was completely under her control, and he briefly wondered if he was becoming a masochist for her... _Never going to happen._

She was already in the process of removing his tied belt when he felt himself regain his resolve. He abruptly grabbed her hands and set them above her head. She looked at him in surprise, though he was able to detect mischief on her cherub face.

“China... I thought _I_ was the sadist here?”

She giggled. “You are? Funny, you seem to be doing a great job being my M.”

“I'm no one's M.”

“Oh...? But we can't both be sadists, _Sougo_.”

“You're right, _Kagura_ , which is why...” He kneeled, looming over her, knees spread beside her arms. He looked down at her, sensing nervousness from his movements. He smirked, seeing her boldness falter as he untied the belt around his hip, setting the robe on the floor together with her discarded towel. His dick was now free of any possible restraints, sprung erect right in front of her pretty face. Her face held surprise as he watched her gulp. “... Which is why _you're_ going to have to do as I say.”

She switched her gaze from the throbbing shaft of his manhood to his half-lidded dark red gaze. She tried to keep a blank look on her face and failed as she nervously looked at him.

She licked her lips. _Well isn't she quite a pervert._

“You've shown me how good you can be with that little demonstration of yours earlier today on that waffle, why don't we try that again?”

She only diverted her gaze back to his aching member. He sensed unease.

“... Is that alright, China doll?”

”... Y... yes, of course, i-idiot... you're just...”

She locked eyes with him.

“U-um...”

_Big._

Slowly propping herself up with her left arm, she gingerly wrapped her fingers around his cock, hesitating a bit before stroking it, then slowly taking the tip with her mouth just a second later.

He reeled in with the sensation of his dick inside her, and jerked involuntarily when she swirled her tongue on the sensitive head. Her right hand moved up and down on his shaft while she continued sucking and licking, softly biting on his skin with her teeth. She was a bit clumsy, and he was sure she was inexperienced, but man does she know to pleasure him with that mouth. She then slowly ran her tongue from the base to its tip, covering his cock in her spit. He actually moaned out loud, seeing a sly smirk form on her lips; _damn her and her talented tongue_... It's not like he had a point of comparison to compare her to, but he was definitely sure that it felt good. Damn good. Then, she took him all in, fitting his size in her moist little mouth as she slowly tried moving her head in an upward and downwards motion. 

After two minutes of her sucking him, she then made a face, making a sound in her throat before she pulled away from his cock, hotly covered in her saliva. She gave it a little lick before whispering, _gasping_ , and a hidden smirk on her lips, “Sadist... this position is... a bit difficult...”

Sougo felt the clear tingles her tongue left on his member, aggravated that she stopped just as he was about to come. Left interrupted, he forcefully grabbed the back of her head and forced it to enclose on his shaft. He felt his tip touch the end of her throat, making her almost gag. She briefly looked at him, displeased, to which he guiltlessly smirked at before she continued sucking like before, him supporting the back of her head.

Sougo bit his lip to stop himself from moaning, while she made small seductive whimpers and moans of her own. He then began shallowly thrusting his hips at her, finally coming just a few seconds later.

She pulled away, her mouth separating from his manhood by a thin thread of saliva. He was still kneeling when she plopped her head over on the pillow beneath her, swallowing his cum and licking her lips while she looked at him. He panted, getting hard again watching his semen drip onto her naked breasts.

“... Can I put my dick on your boobs?”

She stilled.

“... Sure.”

Sougo spread his knees wider, going lower to put his member in between her breasts. Kagura voluntarily cupped the sides of her chest to squeeze him with it. She stuck out her dripping tongue, looking at him as if asking for approval.

“... China, you... just how good are those porn mags teaching you?”

He began to move.

“I don't know what you're talking about...” She retorted, kneading her breasts for him.

They continued going at it, him thrusting his cock at her while she fondled with her breasts, letting saliva drip from her tongue. His hand was once again supporting the back of her head so that the tip of his manhood touched her erotic tongue. He came again a few seconds later, on her face.

She slid a thumb from her cheek to her mouth, licking the spills. It triggered him flashbacks from her earlier stunt with that waffle. She really knew how to seduce a man.

_... Those porn mags were good._

“Sadist, it's my turn.”

He took a second to recompose himself.

“ _Sadist_.”

He kissed her gently on the lips, “Yeah, yeah; I'm on it woman.”

He descended down on her still body, kissing and nipping on her pale neck and clavicle. He squeezed her breasts, licking her hardened nipples. She moaned; he paused, giving them a good squeeze. “These big boobs of yours are dangerous, China doll.”

She weakly hit his arm. “Get on with it already.”

“... Tch; impatient.”

“Impatient!? You're the one who couldn't wait.”

He didn't reply, opting to trail butterfly kisses on her stomach instead.

“Oi Sadist, when are you—”

She didn't get to finish her sentence because right then, he plunged his fingers right into her wet cunt. She jerked as he descended further down on her body, continuing to thrust his fingers inside her. He'd already inserted three of his digits when he reached her sex, the swelling clitoris right in front of his face.

“ _My_ , China... Is this for me?” He looked at her from between her pale legs, kissing her inner thighs.

She huffed, “ _Just eat me out already,_ you damn Sadist.”

He chuckled.

“Well, _don't mind if I do_.”

* * *

His breath was warm against her skin; the way he looked at her, and the way he'd thrusted his fingers into her had her feel _dizzy_.

Kagura couldn't quite believe this was happening—giving each other their first oral sex. She actually felt a little nervous with him down there, just teasing her. But while it was nerve-wracking, the anticipation also made her feel excited.

The moment his tongue touched her, she moaned. She had long been ready for it, but having him actually devour her was a whole lot different from fantasy.

The Sadist moved his tongue on her clit, licking and flicking. She briefly wonders how he was able to find it in mere seconds—the porn mags always say men took time before finding it, but this guy made it seem like it was no task at all. And his tongue was apparently an _expert_ at it too. He started off gently, then slowly putting pressure on her cunt. He lapped his tongue on her labia, tasting the lips. Then he sucked her cunt _hard_ , and she was practically melting. She was a moaning mess; _putty in his hands._

After a long while of his tongue dancing around her wet sex, she felt herself climax. She exhaled, surprised with how out of breath she was with his oral stimulation. Her legs were twitching in the rough grasp of his hands as he licked her clean.

“Sadist, are you...” _Huff_. “I thought you were a virgin!?”

He looked at her in confusion. “I _am_.” A pause. “Not anymore _now_ , though...”

“Then... how the hell did you know how to do that?”

He shrugged. “I just know your body that well, my darling China.”

Her face flushed. It was true, they've only ever fought each other; sex would be a first for them both. But with how their bodies had been so accustomed with one another—as if molded _specifically_ for the other—they've already become so familiar with each other's skin that sexual acts would come by like an easy breeze. She thinks that if it were anyone else though, she wouldn't be able to appease to their desires. And it's not like she can imagine doing it with anyone else either. _They were made only for each other, and no one else._

“What are you thinking, China doll?”

Her eyes darted towards his face, which was already hovering inches above her. She didn't realize he'd been making his way up from her legs while she was being distracted by her thoughts.

The darkness of his red eyes pierced right through her. It might've scared anybody else, but she found comfort in them. His crimson hues were inviting, and it felt so _intimate_ just looking at them.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her.

“China... I'm... going to put it in now.”

She felt the tip of his shaft touching her entrance. Her breath became heavier.

“U-um... D-did you put... a _condom_...?”

His eyes widened; then he laughed, lolling his head in the crook of her neck. His laughter tickled her, making her suddenly feel all silly for ruining the atmosphere.

“W-what!? _Why are you laughing_!? Spill it, Chihuahua!”

He ceased his laughter gradually. Then, he lifted his head, brushing her bangs away from her blushing face with the palm of his large hand.

“Yes I did, didn't you see me?”

Embarrassed, she replied meekly, “... what...? S-sorry, no I didn't... Where did it come from?”

“We were at a Penis Festival, China doll.”

“... _Oh_.”

“You seem disappointed, did you want to do it raw?”

“N-no I didn't!”

_She kind of did._

Of course, she knew what a condom was used for, but she'd read that having sex without it always felt more satisfying. When this whole thing between them was being initiated, it crossed her mind for a fleeting moment, but she didn't bother to think upon it too much. It probably would've been better to do it without; _Though, she supposes she isn't ready to become a mother just yet... Oh well..._

“It's okay, China. We can always do it without when we _do_ get married.”

She looked at him. _Did she just say that out loud?_

“Yes you did.”

“ _Dammit_.”

She slowly brought her arms around his neck again. She massaged his scalp, “s-sorry for ruining the mood, Sougo...”

“It's alright; I like it when you go all _tsundere_.”

She rolled her eyes.

“I _don't_.” She pouted. “... K-kiss me?”

He smiled a satisfied smile right in front of her, hearing her sweet request. Her heart fluttered at the sight; then he brought his head lower to kiss her, as gently as before. She sighed against his mouth.

“Kagura, I'm putting it in.”

“Okay...”

She was glad for his consideration; he says he's a sadist, but he's actually a total softie, always considering her feelings before anything else, always seeking consent. Though their verbal disputes will never change, she thinks that she'll rather keep things that way. She never had to _try_ when she's with him. She feels content and safe, and she couldn't have had it any other way with anybody else. _It's just him._

His shaft entered her, momentarily breaking her train of thought as he penetrated her entrance. She flinched from the sensation, and he responded by softly peppering her cheeks with his kisses.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm—” _Gasp_. ”I-I'm fine.”

He kissed her forehead, then moving himself so that he was fully sheathed inside her.

“... Still okay?”

“ _Ahh, Y-yes_... Thank you...”

They stayed like that for a few seconds, collectively catching their breaths. Her keen ears heard their heartbeats— _beating in sync_. Then he moved, slow at first, finding his rhythm, while she moaned at the feeling of him sensually thrusting himself inside her.

They kissed again. _She rather liked kissing him_.

And just then, he quickened his pace, suddenly slamming himself inside her. She jerked in surprise while he kept going. He grabbed her legs to steady them, thrusting in and out. At this point, Kagura was screaming loudly inside the confinements of his bedroom. She lifted her legs higher to rest on his shoulders. He thrusted faster, and _harder_ , while she was engulfed in waves of pain and pleasure. _It felt good_. She wasn't sure how her body was able to accommodate him despite his sheer size, but it doesn't matter because it felt _amazing_. _He was amazing_ , and with the way their bodies complimented each other, the way he fit inside her without fault, like a key to its lock; she had felt so…

 _Complete_.

She felt the muscles of her inner walls tighten around him; _she gasped_. And when he felt himself about to climax, he pulled out of her. They orgasmed again at the same time, moaning each other's names. He let his seed spill on her belly, hunching over her in exhaustion.

He panted, rubbing his hand on her stomach, spreading the substance. “... Wanna go for round two?”

Her heart was beating in an incredible rate as she half-consciously rolled her eyes. “ _Shut up, you idiot_. Don't talk to me while I'm about to go into a sex coma.”

He only laughed. _Stupid him and his stupidly cute laugh._

“Alright, tomorrow it is then.”

“ _W-what_...”

She only barely registered him throwing the used condom away and turning the lights off with a remote control. _A remote control?_ The things that came from _tax robbing_ , she supposed. He then draped a large blanket over them. _She didn't know where it came from._

“I said _'goodnight_ ,' doll.”

“ _What_... Dammit Sadist, _shut up_ , I think I'm about to _faint_...”

“How is that even possible, aren't you the _Yato_ here? Where has your regeneration ability gone?”

“You sapped all my stamina with your damn dick energy.”

“Big dick?”

“No, annoying fucking _dick_.”

He chuckled, then kissed her squarely on the lips, circling her in his arms. They cuddled under the blanket, her ears on his chest; she could feel the loud thumping of his heart. She blushed when she'd thought she was the reason for it. She placed a hand over his heart. “Your heart's beating pretty fast there, Sadist. Are you in love with me or something?”

He responded by squeezing her left breast. “Your heart's beating pretty fast too.”

She would've pinched or punched him, but she was too tired to instill any sort of violence. _Besides she liked the way he was massaging her boobs._

“... _Idiot_.”

Silence.

“… Yeah I do.” He said suddenly.

“ _Hm_?”

“ _I'm in love with you_ , China doll. _Or something_...”

She felt his heart beat faster. She giggled. “And you said _I_ was the _tsundere_.” She laughed even more when she saw him blush.

He scoffed. “You're saying _I'm_ the _tsundere_? _I don't think so_.”

“Yeah, yeah; you're not a _tsundere_. Because you're _my_ _Sadist_.”

She paused, moving to the side so that she was fitted right in his arms, resting her head underneath his chin. For a peaceful moment, they were quiet—basked in the cold, comfortable darkness of the room

She whispered, “ _You know_ , I don't think this needs to be said... We understand each other so well that words won't do us justice, because other things... just speak louder than words... But I still think you should hear it...”

She moved her head upward, while he tilted his chin down. Their eyes met and they saw the spell-binding abyss of each other's eyes despite relative darkness, as if they themselves had seized time. They stared at each other in silence, communicating without words, exploring the small sparks in the encapsulating crimson and cerulean of their irises. Their hearts were beating at the same pace. They were breathing the same way.

“ _I love you_.” They've said, at the same time— _in perfect synchrony._

He smirked, “you weren't gonna beat me saying that, China.”

“It's just because you were being such a _tsundere_!”

He cuddled her closer, putting his chin over her head. “No I wasn't.”

“Spare me your excuses, Sadist... _Tomorrow_... I'm really tired right now…”

He smiled again, giving her a few more of his chaste kisses.

“Okay... good night then, Kagura.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hastily edited, so sorry for any mistakes! i wanted to post it right away because i got a sudden boost of energy from reading your reviews hahehhshs (-^ワ^-) 
> 
> well, idk how you writer people do it, but smut is really difficult to write. i just kept staring off into space every now and then because of how nervous it made me feel. like, having to type the word... c... o... c... ker spaniel. cocker spaniel. cock-a-doodle-doo... you know... just made me feel so awkward... BSJNSJSNSJS
> 
> did i write it ok tho??? cos idk, i'm not sure if it's any good
> 
> anyway, thank you so so so much for all of your reviews and kudos on the first chapter! ♡ it made me feel really happy and so giggly the first time i saw them hahaha ( ˃ ⌑ ˂ഃ )
> 
> is this how it's like being an author? i feel like a video game character gaining tons of exp
> 
> well anyway, thank you again for reading! ily (ꃼ⌓ꃼ)♡♡♡


	3. Chapter 3

His eyelids slowly fluttered open _;_ zeroing in on the pale beige ceiling of the bedroom. His body must've sensed the sun rays outside, blaring against the hotel walls and seeping right through the closed curtains of the window far right from their bed. His body clock was reminded that morning had already come with how the little bit of sunlight was etching onto his face.

He tilted his head to the side, finding a long mane of gorgeous vermillion hair. She had her back before him, the blanket hanging treacherously low on her hip, and immediately he'd thought about tracing the outline of her milky hourglass body. His tired eyes then softened at her sleeping state. He couldn't see her face; just the barely visible slope of her soft cheeks, but she was quiet and looked _relaxed_. Sougo moved to lay on his side, spooning her as he kissed the crown of her head, nuzzling his nose in her tangled orange locks. He felt like he was waking up from their honeymoon with how natural the situation seemed to him.

_Her... as his wife..._

Images of her waiting for him by their future home’s doorway appeared hazily in his mind, sharing greetings (or insults) and sweet _doorway kisses_ with each other. She’d have been wearing a cute pink apron, interrupted with her chore of making their _larger-than-large_ dinner—for _him_ (but mostly for herself), and for their absolute _darling future children_. His heart swelled at the thought of hearing _‘welcome home Papi!’_ as soon as he’d return home from police work.

_Children…_

_He took a mental note of having at least maybe three or four mini Chinas or Sadist juniors… or more…_

He wasn’t one to openly think about starting a family of his own. It crosses his mind once in a while, but he preferred not to mull over it much as he was in a relatively dangerous line of work, and he thought he didn’t need to prioritize such trivial matters. His _Shinsengumi_ duties and family life would’ve been hard to balance after all… _but, he supposes it’s possible if it’s China_.

_… Better start preparing a marriage contract right away._

_All of a sudden_ , the aching sensation of his crotch bothered him out of the blue—only registering in his brain the moment his dick made contact with her ass.

_Ah, morning wood._

He sighed into her hair. He could relieve himself of it right now, but... _maybe she could do it for him instead._

“China.”

No reply.

“China, wake up. I'm hard.”

Still no reply.

He then proceeded to gently massage her boob. “ _China doll_...”

She responded by softly moaning. “... _Ah,_ S-sadist..... _Fuck off_... don't disturb my beauty sleep.....” She murmured.

“But I'm _hard_ , doll.”

“Then go fuck yourself, _damn Sadist..._ ” She pulled the blanket over her nude body. “I'm sure you can do it.....”

“You're awake now, though. Do it for me.”

 _Silence_.

“China?”

No response.

“... Kagura?”

Still no response.

_Dammit, this girl... Guess he had no choice._

He glided his hands over her smooth skin, stroking her from her chest to the outline of her curves, swiftly removing the blanket off of her. He glided his hands down further, reaching her pelvis, where he rested his hand, just near her cunt. _Then he noticed something_ ; he drifted his hand over her hip to the back of her legs and ran his fingers in the space between her naked inner thighs, finding a sticky substance covering the tips of his hand. _Look at that_ — _she's dripping wet._

 _“Oh_? What's this; _morning dew_?” He playfully nibbled on her reddening earlobes. “Did you have a sexy dream about me, _Kagura_?”

He knows she heard him, but she stubbornly chose to remain silent. But he could sense she was anticipating his next move.

“Guess we have no choice; I'm gonna have to help you first, China. _The Sadist is kind today._ ”

 _'Kind my ass.'_ He'd practically heard her thoughts screaming at him.

He brought his hand to her front, sliding a finger over her labia before bringing attention to her clit, rubbing it. She jerked, making a barely audible sound in her throat—but _he heard it_ , continuing to massage her sensitive clitoris. Then he slid a finger inside her, stimulating her slowly. Gradually adding one more, and then another. He plunged his fingers in and out of her at a steady pace, and he knew she was enjoying it by the way her legs twitched to every thrust. Her right hand gripped tightly onto the white bed sheets. Her silence was beginning to crack, occasional soft moans slipping from her lips. He curled his fingers inside her, resulting in her arching her back.

He quickly slipped his arm underneath her to fix her into place. “... What's wrong China, finally awake?”

She panted, whispering, “ _No I’m_ —” _Huff_. “ _I-I have..._ no idea what you're talking about... Just… continue with whatever it is you were doing, _don't mind me_ …”

“Now that won’t _do_ ; we want honest reactions here.”

“I will _break you_ , you fucking— _Ahhh…_ ” He’d hit her G-spot, sliding his fingers deeper into her, inch by inch. He kept going as she trembled in pleasure, curling her toes, _squeezing her legs_ over the stimulation his rough but gratifying touch gave her. “ _Fuck_ …”

A little while after that, she finally had her release.

She was panting, while he kept his fingers inside her for a few more seconds. He then brought it to her mouth, “Lick this for me?”

She gasped for air before gingerly taking his cum-soaked hand with her smaller ones. She licked his long fingers, clumsily playing around it with her tongue.

He then surprised her by spreading her pussy wider with his other hand, quickly sliding his dick into her.

“ _Ah_ … _!_ G-give me some kind of warning or something; _don’t be such a sadist so early_!”

He blinked.

He was so caught up in his eagerness that he didn’t bother to ask for the _green light_ from her. Her comfortability and consent were utterly crucial for him; it was important that she’d enjoy this just as much as he did.

“S-sorry…” He pulled her towards his solid chest. “Sorry, sorry… Was that bad? Did I hurt you, Kagura?”

“… No, I’m fine. I was just surprised, is all… k-keep going.”

“Sure?”

“Yes.”

He began moving slowly; but then he stopped just as quick as he started.

“ _By the way_ , I’m not wearing a condom.”

“Okay.”

He scrunched his face in contemplation. “Just _‘okay’_? Did you really want to try it without the condom?”

She blushed. “ _Yes_ … And I’ll trust you’ll pull out.”

“… Alright then, China.”

* * *

He moved again—the sensation of him _bare_ inside her brought tingles all throughout her body. She made a delicate whimper when he fully-sheathed himself inside of her, feeling his large shaft almost touch her cervix. _The feeling of his size_ , with the absence of the plastic wrap _felt fantastic_. Hard penis skin _raw_ against her inner walls. She moaned when he started to move, taking in the pleasure of his raw cock making slow thrusts inside of her. She angled her ass just a bit higher, just so that he could go deeper into her cunt, making their thighs practically stick to each other by the skin.

He pressed his lips against her shoulder, biting and sucking on the unblemished skin as he thrusted faster. He held her in his arms, one arm underneath her— _squeezing her mounds with his left hand_ —while his right one grasped onto her hip that she was sure was burning a _painfully obvious red mark_. His mouth brought attention to her back. She visibly felt the way he’d sucked on her pale skin, feeling him put _hickeys_ all over her shoulders, and _nape_ , and _upper arm_. His left hand was still covered in her essence, slipping from his hold of her breasts to her open mouth. He then pressed two of his fingers onto her teeth, letting her taste the sweet and astringent flavor of her cum.

He then thrusted _faster_ , forcefully slamming himself inside her without warning, lifting her leg to bury himself deeper. If she was a lesser being, it would have hurt incredibly, but she wasn’t and she was simply glad that the _pleasure_ was overriding the pain. _Or maybe she’s just a masochist for him, who knows. Though, she’d never tell him that._

At this point, drool was dripping from her mouth with the way he roughly slipped in and out of her. Lust clouded her vision, and words she only subconsciously thought about stumbled right out from her lips in between loud moans; _‘fuck’_ and _‘shit’_ and helpless cries of her trying to moan _‘sadist’_ came right out of her in a broken sequence.

When he felt himself climaxing, he briskly removed himself out of her—spilling his cum between her thighs.

They were both breathing hard, her in a dazed state, almost like euphoria with how the pleasure spread all over her limp body. She had been grinning in ecstasy when he hovered slightly over her ear, licking her earlobe. _He panted heavily_ , “... _China_ , I accidentally cummed inside you.”

Her euphoria vanished in an instant.

“ _What!?_ ”

“ _Kidding_.” She felt him smirk. _The dumbass had the audacity to fucking smirk._ He plopped his head over on the pillow. “ _Relax_ ; I'm sure you felt me pull out.”

She felt a bit vexed— _annoyed_ that he’d deliberately ruined the mood. “... Sadist, you ruined it. _I swear_... if I _do_ get pregnant, I'm seriously going to fucking kill you.”

“… Can we just do the 'fucking' instead of the 'kill'?”

“No. And there is no _'we,'_ it's only me who's gonna do any killing... _And maybe Gin-chan too_ , and Papi... and Patsuan...”

_Silence._

He then hugged her, pulling her back closer against him. His flaxen hair tickled her neck. “Well, who was it that wanted to have sex without the condom anyway? I just granted your wish.”

“ _Wha_ —” _Scoff_. “Wh... I... was only caught in the heat of the moment.”

“Sure.”

“I was! And you're changing the subject!”

“Don't worry, China; I'll make sure to take complete responsibility for when you _do_ get pregnant.”

“... Why are you saying that as if it's inevitable?”

“ _It is_. It's destiny for you to carry my child just as much as how it's destiny for me to put my dick in your vagina.”

“... Something's very wrong with what you said just now.”

“Oh yeah? You don't like the feeling of my dick inside you?”

“I-I didn't say that...”

He smirked, spooning her closer to him. “Well then, why don’t we—”

_Growl…_

_Silence._

They both stilled hearing a rather audible stomach growl, _clearly coming frow her belly_. She pressed her face harder against the pillow. Now, _she_ ruined the mood. _Great,_ the idiot behind her was probably going to tease her mercilessly for it. _Why did her hefty appetite have to have such bad timing?_

… But to her surprise, he only rubbed her stomach from behind. Though, she could clearly imagine the playful grin that formed on his face from the way he teasingly moved his hand... Kagura was suspicious of him; _What type of sadistic bullshit is he planning on doing this time?_ He then stopped, opting to softly pat on it instead. _It almost felt soothing._ Almost. “Do you want me to call room service, China? I wanna see you eat a load of food to see how big of a dump you can a shit.”

She proceeded to kick his knee with the heel of her feet.

His hold on her weakened as he crumbled in his place. She felt him clutch his knee in pain all while he shouted curses at her. She ignored him.

Her face was tinged in pink from embarrassment; _she actually thought he was going to say something about a baby with the way he’d had affectionately rubbed her stomach_ … After waking up from a rather _salacious dream_ about them both, the first thought that entered her mind was something about _children_. She’d been blearily woken up from her sleep the moment he’d spooned her, cuddling her closer to him, and she thought she’d detected his loud thoughts— _thoughts about… wanting to create a family_. _She felt her heart expand as she herself daydreamed along with him_. But he ruined it all with his _morning wood_. Well… he didn’t really _‘ruin’_ anything. _The morning sex was incredible_. But… _but babies, though, damn it._

She pouted, patting her stomach over the thought. She then made a sound from her mouth—a rather feminine _‘hmph!’_ —indicating that what he’d said had annoyed her immensely. _Wanting to watch her take a dump… What kind of idiot says that post-sex!?_ Kagura abruptly turned herself towards him, an angry look on her face, then shocking herself when she found him already _intimately_ staring at her, his head laying on his bicep, _red eyes boring into her blues._ They started their staring match, silence befalling over them.

She scrunched her eyebrows, briefly wondering if his knees had already healed.

_‘What happened to your knees?’_

_‘Already healed.’_

_‘What, how is that possible?’_

_‘I sapped all your Yato juice with my dick, remember?’_

She lightly hit his arm for that last one.

They silently communicated through their eyes, their eyelids widening every now and then to give emphasis on whatever the hell they wanted to emphasize. She thought they’d had probably looked stupid. _Actually, they had looked really fucking stupid_ , since there was no one in that hotel room besides _them._ And they should _really_ use words, but the quietness felt comfortable, and they’re two dumbasses in love, so she supposes it’s fine. _They perfectly understood each other anyway._

After a while of their wordless conversation, he scooped her into his arms—her hands on his naked chest. She started to feel drowsy enveloped in his warmth like that, feeling herself lulling into sleep.

She felt the back of his hand caress her naked belly, “… Want me to get room service…? For real this time.”

She closed her eyes, groggily replying, “No… It’s fine… I’m sleepy…”

For a minute, they had let themselves relax again in comfortable silence.

She’d almost fallen asleep before he decided to suddenly speak up, feeling the low vibrations of his voice coming from his chest. “I was just kidding about wanting to watch you take a shit, China doll.”

She thought she‘d heard him almost add ‘ _well, kinda_.’ Though a bit flurried, she smiled, exhaling through her pert nose in a silent giggle. “It’s alright. I don’t care anymore.”

“ _No,_ China, it’s just that…” He paused, continuing to softly stroke her stomach with his knuckles “… I just want to see how you would look like when you get _fat_. I mean, don’t get me wrong— _you’d be a cute gluttonous fatass_ —but that’s not entirely what I meant.”

_… Unbelievable._

_He somehow managed to make what was supposed to be a heartfelt revelation sound like he was also trying to insult her all at the same time. Incredible._

“China.”

He’d suddenly startled her, forcing her to focus on the next words that came out of his mouth.

“.. You know, I want to… someday… see you become the mother to my… well, _our_ children, Kagura.”

Her eyes widened by a fraction, her heart skipping a beat. Her body felt all warm all of a sudden, wanting to seek for the warmth and security of his comfortable arms. She circled an arm over his waist as an attempt to bring his larger body closer to her. She felt uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden, surprised with the butterflies that crowded in her stomach.

She giggled, “Sougo…”

“… Kagura…” He gently held the back of her nape; she instinctively moved her head upwards to look at him. “… _Will you marry me_?”

She paused, then giggled even louder than before— _laughing at that point._ She wasn’t even trying to suppress them. The way he’d unabashedly declared his proposal was undeniably surprising; she just didn’t think he’d say something like that early on into their weird, _unlabeled relationship_. What surprised her even more was the way he’d kept a poker face, as if saying he was serious.

He pinched her cheek, veins popping all over his face. “Oi China, what’s the meaning of this? I was serious just now.” He squeezed her cheek unforgivingly. _Ah. Okay then, maybe he really was serious._

She pressed her lips into a thin line, trying to stow away the chuckles that wanted to escape her lips as to not offend him. “Sadist… N-not even a _‘will you be my girlfriend’_ first?”

 _He had the audacity to look shocked_. The bastard then stretched her cheek wider, as if he was playing with _mochi_ and not her delicate flesh. “Are you kidding, China? Haven’t I already offered to _marry you_ back then? This is pretty much my second marriage proposal to you; you were already my fiancé.”

She snickered, _or attempted to_ as he let go of her cheek. “Don’t get so cocky, I wouldn’t agree to a home with prison bars.” It was her turn to pinch his cheeks; _tenderly though, and full of affection._ She was astounded with how soft they actually were. She wasn’t aware he’d already dubbed her as his _fiancé_ from that point on. In truth, she’d merely brushed it off as one of his crude jokes, and she’s sure he wasn’t at all serious due to the circumstances then. Still, it was a completely roundabout way of asking for her hand in marriage. _He’s such a tsundere._ “….. Did you really like me that much?”

 _“I guess…”_ He blushed _… Tsundere._ “The prison bars were just an added bonus; you can decline if you want.”

“ _’Bonus’_ my ass.”

He responded my squeezing her ass cheeks. She yelped. “ _Oi,_ stop it. Am I your stress ball or something?”

“No, you’re my sex doll.”

She abruptly fisted his _(also incredibly soft)_ hair. His face contorted slightly in pain, while veins popped all over her insulted expression. _They’re just that good at pissing each other off. “Enough with the shitty jokes, punk Chihuahua_ — _is that the reason why you suddenly started calling me ‘China doll’?”_

“… My bad… I didn’t mean it. No, you’re just really… _pretty…_ like a _doll_.”

She looked intently at him. It’s a wonder how he manages to shower her with compliments all while remaining a total sadist. He’s a bit bizarre, but she supposes he’s rather cute that way. Besides, she’s not too uncomplicated herself—both him and her grew up surrounded by colorful personalities, it’s only natural that they too are a little weird. They fight and hurl vibrant insults at each other; but perhaps this convoluted love is just right for them. She likes herself with him, and she can’t have it any other way.

“ _Whatever…_ ” She’d answered, because _she too_ is a _tsundere_.

Silence.

And then he’d asked, “… So what is your answer to my question?”

She let out a mirthful laugh; _he amuses her sometimes_. She tucked her head underneath his chin, bringing herself closer to him as she grabbed their disregarded blanket, putting it over them. “ _Yes, obviously_.” She smiled into his naked chest. “ _Yes, I’ll be your girlfriend._ ”

 _But he wasn’t satisfied with her answer. Just as she’d expected._ “ _Oi_ , what do you mean? I asked you to marry me, China.”

He was only met with silence.

“China?”

No reply.

“Kagura?”

Still no reply.

Kagura had already been half-way to her dreamland about _sukonbu_ , only half-listening to him pitiably call out to her, receiving no response. Her eyelids were already shut as she allowed herself to be sucked into the calming comfortableness of the downy mattress. They should probably get out of bed, but with the way the sun rays were leaking through the window, warmly soaking their blanket and bedsheets, she’d allowed herself to rest, almost too quickly drifting into sleep. The last thing she’d heard was his deep voice murmuring by her ear; “ _Fine then, you brat_ … _I guess I’ll just have to delay making you my wife. Just so you know, I’m not a patient man; but for you, I suppose I can wait a while… even for as long as it would take… as long as you can finally say yes without a single hesitation. Make sure you do that, China doll. Got it?”_

 _She wasn’t sure if she’d said her reply out loud_. She thought she’d already fallen asleep by the time he’d finished his short speech. But she hopes he’d at least felt the way she melted into his arms, allowing herself to be completely and utterly _vulnerable_ with him, allowing him to be so intimate with her— _since yesterday night to this moment right now_ —because she’d just felt _so happy_. Simply _content_ , that the cosmos had gifted her with this new form of love in her life.

She fell asleep, smiling, “ _of course I’ll do that, you punk Chihuahua. You’re a dumbass; there’s nobody else who I’d say yes to… no one except for you…..”_

* * *

By the time they’ve heard the abnormally loud ruckus outside, it was already early on in the afternoon. Well, _he_ heard it; his China doll was sleeping like a _log_ , making soft snores against his chest. He carefully removed himself from her, _which was a bit difficult considering her monster strength,_ but he somehow managed to remove himself out of her hold before fixing her into a more comfortable position. He then grabbed his abandoned robe from the clear mahogany floor, putting it on as he blinked the sleep away from his eyes. His muscles ached; _he’d slept too long_ , but after his long days of _Shinsengumi_ work, he must admit, it was the most comfortable sleep he’d had in a while. _The best one too_. He thought about thanking old man Matsudaira for doing him a favor.

Tying the belt on his hips, Sougo walked over to the window, wanting to check on whatever the hell was making all that racket. His hand moved the curtain to the side, bright sunlight blinding him for a brief second.

 _He was not prepared for the sight he was greeted with_.

… _Unnerved_ , he let the curtain fall back into place, letting the light leave the hotel room at once. _Kagura wasn’t going to like what he saw_. _At all_.

He walked over to her side of the bed, laying himself on its edge. “China, wake up.”

She only shifted her position towards him, drool escaping from her open mouth. He watched her chest slowly rise and fall, tempted to squeeze her breast. He ignored the urge. He needed to wake her up. Sougo caressed her cheek before smoothly running a hand on her bare arm, uttering a bit more sweetly, “Baby doll… please wake up…”

Silence.

 _… A giggle._ “… _Baby doll_ … _That’s a new one_.” She said, tiredly opening one eye, smiling. The first thing she did was give him a peck on the lips, _still smiling_. _She’s fucking cute_. “ _Good morning, Sougo_.”

He brushed her vermillion fringe away from her face, giving her pale forehead a kiss. “ _Morning_ … It’s already afternoon now, though...”

She laughed, then stretched. “I’m sure it is. Is that why you woke me up?”

“Yes, but also... no.”

* * *

_Shocked._

‘Shocked’ was the _perfect word_ to describe her current expression. With her jaw unhinged, mouth opened from the unfiltered surprise upon coming across the scene outside, she could only _stare in shock_. Kagura thought she’d somehow wake up to a fancy breakfast in bed— _courtesy of the Sadist and his tax robber money_ — even though it was already afternoon, but she was _actually_ woken up for something else entirely…

After getting out of bed, he obsessively peppered her with his kisses, taking a bath together, and brushing their teeth as they insulted one another through minty-foamed mouths. They worked through what was supposed to be a _morning_ routine. It felt natural, and so _nice_ , but everything crumbled right then the moment they stepped out of the opulent building.

Papers and flyers littered the sky, flying about in an almost tornado-like pattern as it danced carelessly with the wind. It would’ve almost looked like confetti… _if only her fucking face wasn’t fucking plastered on the damned things._ She saw folks picking up the imprudent posters in curiosity. And there was even a _fucking helicopter_ flying above them; a news anchor was also somewhere, loudly reporting the incident happening right then: _‘This just in, a myriad of missing person posters of a girl named ‘Kagura’ rained right down from the sky…’_

_Motherfucker._

In an angry plight, Kagura furiously looked around for the only possible sources of this whole mess; _‘Where are Gin-chan and Shinpachi…?’_

“China, calm down. I’m sure they could practically feel your bloodlust coming from a mile away... _Over there_ , direct your anger over there.”

She wordlessly glanced to where he’d gestured, finding _Hijikata_ standing a few meters beside them, awkwardly smoking a cigarette. His slouched and unsure posture indicated that he was aware they were both staring _intensely_ at him.

Kagura smiled a wide, deceiving _grin_ , mustering the most _sugary-sweet_ voice she could do, “ _Mayora_ …”

He coughed smoke, “ _What is it?_ ”

“Would you mind telling me what the absolute _hell_ is going on here?”

The nicotine addict only coughed again, impatience cracking through Kagura’s sweet smile. “… Y-your perm-headed boss got too drunk and freaked out when we couldn’t find you… _‘Said that_ … that… that the _Penis Festival_ was actually cursed propaganda, and that you were abducted by penis-shaped _Amantos_ from the _Penis Planet_ while they ‘distracted’ us with the festival.”

The two young adults shared a mutual glance. “Hijikata-san,” Sougo started, “are you sure _Danna_ didn’t just have a gross erotic dream?”

“ _Hell do I know_ , I was also drunk when he started printing those one million copies.”

If it was even possible, Kagura was burning even _more_ in her silent rage, her bangs practically shadowing over half of her face. In truth, him simply saying the word _‘penis’_ more than once in a single sentence was more than enough to add to her boiling anger. “….. _Oh_?” She’d said in an _eerily low voice_.

Hijikata halted. “H-hey, d-don’t… don’t look at _me_ here, though! L-look, _look!_ Your stupid boss is over the—!”

But he was cut off with her loudly screaming _‘Mayora’_ like it was the nastiest curse word on Earth. His cigarette fell from his lips when his eyes briefly saw a _bazooka_ manifest out from thin air into Sougo’s hands. The bastard’s devil smirk widened as he handed it over to the raging girl beside him. _It all happened too quickly_ —next thing the mayonnaise addict knew, he was comically blown up by that crude rocket launcher, sent all the way to the other side of Japan. Dirty black smoke erupted from that one spot, catching the attention of the on-lookers surrounding them.

Kagura and Sougo stood expressionless as a scattered crowd looked over at them, the clamor of their collective chatter becoming a _much-too-evident_ background noise. But she couldn’t focus on anything, save for the _bazooka_ on her left shoulder _(and she had to admit, the thing she did just now was a little too Sougo-esque)_ and… the extremely _familiar voices_ that sounded like it was speeding towards them, coming closer… _and closer…_

“ _Kagura!_ ”

_There they are._

Through her peripheral vision, Kagura spotted a mirage of silver, black, blue, and _purple_ … _her umbrella._ In a mad flash, she jump-kicked their heads the moment they came close enough to her, their _numb skulls_ colliding by the ears. The purple umbrella fell right out of Gintoki’s hands as expected—which she then grabbed, proceeding to fire about fifty bullets right at them without a hint of mercy. _Fifty bullets each_.

But of course, they were characters from a comedy anime; as expected, the two of them seemed badly harmed, but was somehow completely unaffected. Though _Gintoki_ was about to point out the faulty narration as he was in fact, _badly harmed_ , but he was stopped since this story shouldn’t contain any fourth-wall breaks _(Shinpachi couldn’t do anything about it either_ — _he simply wasn’t allowed to)._

The _Yorozuya Danna_ had his face planted right against the concrete floor, lifting his head to meet eyes with the vermillion-haired perpetrator while the pair of glasses laid face-down on the ground, as good as dead. “… Y-you ungrateful brat! Why would you fire your bullets towards _me_!? _I was even looking for you out of the goodness of my heart!”_

She spat on the sidewalk _like a gangster_ , clenching her jaw with a dirty look on her face. “Gin-chan. I am not a lost puppy; I am an _adult_. I don’t need you to hand out a million missing person posters for me.”

Gintoki was stunned, temporarily unable to reply to her reasonable remark. Kagura felt a bit guilty for lashing out like that. She _did_ appreciate her family’s concern, but she thought they deserved her anger for stupidly releasing posters out into the sky with her _face clearly plastered on each and every one of them_. _Seriously, it was too much, even for her_. However, any guilt she had dissipated into thin air the moment he opened his mouth, doing a quick eye-sweep over her daunting form as if to survey just how capable of an adult she actually was. “D-did… _did the penis aliens finally decide to return you to us!?_ ” He was basically ignoring what she said, probably unwilling to accept the fact that she was already mature enough to look after herself. “Seriously where have you been!? We have been looking everywhere for you—!”

She shot him again with her umbrella gun, having had enough of hearing the word ‘penis’ from two full-grown male adults.

“Gin-chan, you’re still drunk. Better sober up.”

A pause.

“Also, _I stayed with the Sadist_.”

“… _W… what…!?!?_ ” A shockwave resounded all around the area the moment the two males screamed in alarm, Shinpachi suddenly waking up from his temporary comatose. The bystanders Kagura forgot was there were basically whiplashed as the two idiots created a large crater right outside the hotel, destroying even trees and cars. _Her perm dad and glasses dad suddenly went Super Saiyan_. She remained unbothered. After their over-dramatic reaction, Gintoki stuttered, “Wha— _Wha_ … _Ahahaha…_ Exactly _what do you mean_ , my _sweet innocent Kagura-chan_?”

It was the Sadist beside her that spoke up, unfazed, “Didn’t you hear her, _Danna_? _Clearly_ the cherry boy popped the cherry girl’s cherries; what other kind of explanation did you want to hear?”

Everyone who heard him audibly gasped _out loud_ —even the bystanders who didn’t know them. _Gossipmongers_. The glasses boy choked on his spit. “ _W-what are you saying!? Kagura-chan!_ Please tell us he was joking!”

“Oh, he wasn’t lying, _Virginpachi_.”

“Yeah, what makes you think I was lying, _Virginpachi_?”

“ _O-oi! Stop these two sadists!_ ”

Gintoki stood up from all that rubble, dusting his costume clean. “Virginpachi is right though, Kagura—” _‘Oi! Stop it you assholes!’_ “ _T-that guy_ …” he said, shakily pointing a finger towards Sougo. “…i-is an even worse penis alien than the ones in my dream! _How dare you defile our precious Kagura-chan!_ ”

“Ah, so you admit it was only a gross erotic dream that lead you to believe China was dumbly kidnapped, _Danna_?”

“I said no such thing! Point is, I won’t allow this relationship!”

“Well, you don’t have a choice, _Danna._ ” He caught them all off-guard by deliberately grabbing her hand, interlocking their fingers together like a perfect jigsaw puzzle. She made a soft feminine sound in her throat, almost as if she expected him to do this judging by the events that fell into place. Though, she was allowed to feel _shy_ and even… surprised… by it. Rose and bubblegum blush dusted their cheeks as he smirked, his brow twitching, _trying to retain his nonchalant image_. He held their joined hands towards them. Kagura bashfully averted her gaze. “I’m not about to ask for your permission. She’s already my wife, _I mean, my girlfriend_ ; her feelings are all what matters to me. You don’t get to validate my love for her, _Danna_. I love her.”

 _“Oi, he said ‘wife’ just now. You said ‘wife’ just now didn’t you? Did you two already get married without our knowledge!?” Shinpachi_ _was ignored_.

The crowd released a chorus of collective _‘awww’s_ , the news anchor person too, _the fucking helicopter too_. _Might as well let the world hear his heartfelt proclamation_.

Kagura’s face turned a hundred shades redder than her hair. _When the hell did he get so good with words!?_ Her chest felt tight, like her heart would burst any second. Of all the things, she’d never expect him to ever utter words coated in sugar and honey. A flurry of emotions rushed to her cheeks. _She was tickled pink; smiling, delighted, embarrassed, mad that she felt embarrassed…_ He then startled everyone when he continued, “ _Danna_ … you see, _she is my gravity_... She is my… inevitable _pull_ , and I will endlessly keep falling for her for as long as my soul remains alive in this universe… She is my significant other. My perfect half. The apple of my pie. The ice cream to my cone. _The pussy to my co_ —” He doubled over in pain.

She’d jabbed his side, a furious blush on her livid face, stopping him before he could utter something that would just add more fuel to the already wild fire (read: her _anger_ )... _Why are the men she loved a bunch of idiots?_ “ _T-that’s enough, Sadist_.”

“ _Y-yeah_.” He coughed blood. _Comedically_ , she hopes. “You see _Danna_ , it’s simple; _she completes me_.”

* * *

_‘Public Declaration of Love!? Beloved sadist of Edo, Okita Sougo and Yorozuya’s Kagura made quite a commotion in Kawasaki after the ‘Festival of the Steel Phallus’ held there the day before; the first captain of the Shinsengumi had declared his love for the girl right in front of her employer and the hundreds of people that were present that day. You would simply melt from his confession: “you see, she is my gravity. She is my inevitable pull, and I will endlessly keep falling for her for as long as my soul remains alive in this universe. She is my significant other. My perfect half. The apple of my pie. The ice cream to my cone. The p*ssy to my co…”..…’_

_Rip!_

“ _What the absolute fuck is this…!?”_

She ripped the offending newspaper into shreds.

They were currently resting naked on his _futon_ after a course round of passionate sex the night before. She didn’t know he’d already previously bought an apartment of his own; _she’d be taking advantage of that now that she was aware of it_.

“… Oi, China. Don’t do that, paper is expensive nowadays…” He lazily murmured… _Hell,_ how was _he_ so unbothered when _he_ was the one who said all that sappy shit!? He rested his forearm over his eyes, _covered by his trademark sleeping mask_ while she laid her stomach over his other _outstretched_ arm.

“Sadist. Did you read the headlines on today’s morning newspaper?”

“ _No_ , you destroyed it before I could even spare a glance.”

“ _They reported your confession! Right on the front page._ And they even called you the ‘Beloved Sadist of Edo.’ What the fuck, were you aware of that!?”

Said sadist only smirked. “It doesn’t even need to be said, China. _It’s a fact_.”

Kagura sunk herself into the soft _futon_ , his arm instinctively curling around her waist. “We haven’t even been a couple for a _whole day_ before all of Edo found out about us…”

The arm underneath her took her by the shoulder, lifting his eye mask before resting his other hand on her waist, _hugging her_ as she rested her head on the pillow. “Relax, China doll. I mean, at least we no longer have _Danna_ or _Megane_ to worry about.”

“That’s true…” Her brain flashbacked to that event two days ago; _vividly remembering the two Yorozuya idiots coughing and averting their gazes uncomfortably after Sougo’s unabashed declaration_. Sougo had made one last bribe in attempt to get on their good graces. _Not that they need to anyway, he says… but why not_. One expensive parfait and a VIP pass to Otsuu’s concert, and whatever problem they had was immediately solved. _Though, the two men remained incredibly awkward from that whole debacle,_ which she couldn’t blame them for to be honest… _They’d surprised themselves too_. After four years of sexual tension, a phallus-shaped waffle finally managed to bring them two together. _Patsuan_ even said he’d seen it coming from way back when, he says he was just shocked after having a bit too much of alcohol in his system. It might take a little getting-used-to; those who knew them personally were accustomed to seeing two kids unflinchingly roughhouse with one another, _but they were growing up_. She thought it even seemed a bit bittersweet. Nonetheless, she was glad Gin-chan and Shinpachi weren’t being _too difficult_ , unlike the stern fathers she’d watch from soap operas…

 _Well, at least that’s that_.

Light, airy foam was suddenly sprayed onto her lips, the sound of a spray can catching her attention and bringing her out of her thoughts. She licked her lips. _Whipped cream?_ She looked at Sougo who was holding a can of whipped cream before her, furrowing her brows, “… when did you get that…?”

He shrugs. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

“You’re not a magician, you ass.”

“Sure I am. I was pretty _‘magical’_ in bed last night, wasn’t I?”

“… Weirdo.”

“But you love me.”

“… Sure.” She paused, then lifted her head from the pillow. She met his eyes, “k-kiss…”

He smiled. “Alright, but can I put whipped cream on your lips?”

“Again? Why?”

“I’ve always wanted to try it.”

“ _’Always’?_ ” She laughed. “Exactly how long have you liked me, Sougo?”

“Longer than I can remember.”

“I can’t believe you were already so whipped for me back then.”

He playfully rolled his eyes. “Believe me, China… Though speaking of _‘whipped’_ …” He gestured to the can of whipped cream. “… May I?”

“Okay. We should also try covering your body in whipped cream for me to lick, or do you want ice cream…”

It was his turn to laugh. “That’s my line, China doll.”

_And then they kissed—chaste, and sweet, and messy—vanilla and smiles on their lips as they shared a blanket under the soft woolly futon. Just the way she likes it._

* * *

“… _Kondo-san_.”

“What’s the matter, Toshi?”

“What are we doing all the way here in _Sapporo_?”

“Well, if I can remember correctly, Otae-san _threw me_ , and Sougo and China-san blasted you using a bazoo—"

“I _know_ that, dammit! _My question is_ , why have we been _ignored_ this whole time!?”

“I think whoever’s responsible for this had forgotten all about us.”

“That’s pretty irresponsible of the—"

The end.

“Oi, I’m still talking.”

 _The end_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this whole chapter is a mess you guys, like what the hell just happened (┳Д┳)
> 
> someone beta read this for me pretty please, i was just typing whatever my fingers wanted to type so this chapter might be a little lackluster... i might've written it too fast... i mean, maybe reviews are just basically magic words... i was such a snail writing the first chapter but for the next two i was all like TATATTATATATYPE TYPE TYEP TBADADDADDADQDADA WRITING WRITING WRITER *frantic typing gif*
> 
> BJSBHSJSBH really thank you for your kind-hearted reviews, i appreciate them a lot, they make me cry... (˶ཀ ⁻̫ ཀ˵) i swear i felt super happy with the first comments i've ever gotten, i was like wait no omigosh (Ŏ艸Ŏ)՞՞ omigosh omigosh... whwhwhwh... i really hope this last chapter was okay tho... i felt like i just wrote down a whole gintama episode whahahah (┳Д┳) 
> 
> anyway, thank you for making it to the end! your enthusiasm must mean i wrote it well... so thank you! <33333 xoxo ♡♡♡
> 
> thank you so much for reading! ♡


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